Love Without Borders 3: Strong Enough
by ExistInspire
Summary: He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top?
1. The Call

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Cast:** John Cena and Trish Stratus as the main characters. Shawn Michaels as a supporting character.

**Authors Note:** This is the third and final book in the trilogy of Love Without Borders. In the future there may be another few stories I can put these two in, but for now this is the final installment. Thank you to each and everyone of you that followed along with the couple and I hope as I lay this next story out for you, you can fall in love with them all over again. Reviews are accepted but are not mandatory, I'm just happy it gets read.

* * *

**Tell me why you've got your head in your hands **

_Life really couldn't get any better._

As he watched his fiancée, as she went about the daily routine of feeding the babies he couldn't believe that this was how his life had turned out. Just one year before he had been dating a different woman, comfortable in the fact that she loved him and he was at the top of the World Wrestling Entertainment franchise.

_What a difference a year can make._ He thought to himself. He had been with Michelle then, travelling the road while she made their home her own. Little had he known at the time that she had been sleeping around with his best friend Randy Orton and that it had been going over for months. His dreams had come down around him, crashing and leaving their mark in a way that had ripped him limb from limb.

He had taken up drinking again, to numb the pain she had laid on him when she had chosen the path that she had. When he had walked in on them that night so long ago, his whole entire life seemed to change and he reverted back to the man he had been before he had hit the big time. He was that scared sixteen year old boy again, wanting the girl to like him so much that he drank himself silly. Then just as he had then, he got behind the wheel of a car drunk, thinking he was indestructible and gotten into an accident.

It had only come out a few months before that he hadn't been the cause of it and that it had been someone entirely different. Someone that had been the cause of the change in him to begin with and someone who he never wanted to see again. And now probably never would. Word was that he was being put away for the same amount of time as John had been and he couldn't be happier about it.

Because of that man, he had almost lost the most important people in his life. He would have missed out on the babies, and missed out on being a husband to the woman who was about to become his wife. That was if they could actually sit down and agree to a date for the wedding.

"What is wrong with this coming summer?" he asked her again, keeping his voice low, knowing that when she was breastfeeding the babies they always tended to fall asleep while drinking and not wanting to wake them.

"Everyone does a Summer wedding John, I want our wedding to be different."

Were they actually having a tiff about the time of year they chose to pledge their lives to one another? Where was the sense in that really? It wasn't like the two of them hadn't pledged their lives to each other already. What difference did it make what time of year they chose to make it official to everyone else?

_This wedding is about more then just that for Trish and you know it._

That he was sure of. She had been wanting a wedding of this nature for her entire life. He knew that because whenever she talked about it the look on her face was like a young girl planning her life as a child. She had every detail down to a science. Something he didn't mind. He had enough money saved over the years to make her dreams come true. And he fully intended on making that happen.

She stood from the rocking chair and as she lifted both babies up over her shoulders, he stood to help her. This was always the hardest part for her and he was happy to oblige. When they were this small it was hard for him to do much of anything but watch their mother take premium care of them both. When she needed his help to bring them upstairs to their rooms, he felt like a king.

As the took the stairs together, all the while passing quiet but loving looks to each other, he knew he had died and gone to Heaven. What he had done to deserve this beautiful rose of a woman was beyond him but he would forever be thankful for the gift he was given.

When the babies were settled, they made their way down the stairs, holding hands and acting like two teenagers that were in love. It was all so new to him, this feeling of utterly being lost in a woman, in a love like theirs. He had thought he knew what love was before, but when he was with Trish, he forgot all about those times and only saw her.

"When do you want to marry me then Trish?"

"May 14th." she replied with a smile, knowing that he was going to wonder just what year she was speaking of.

"May 2009?" he questioned, figuring if that was what she wanted then he would and could wait that long. But deep inside he had hoped she would become his wife before the end of this year, 2008.

"No silly, three months from now. I know you have this urge to marry me right away so I can make an honest man of you. I am telling you that I can have all the details sketched out and ready by Mothers day this year. I want to marry you then because you are the one that helped make me a mother."

_Mother._ That was what she was now wasn't it? She had given birth to two beautiful babies, ones he had helped create on their first date at the beach just miles from here what felt like so long ago. He had indeed had a part in making her a mother so there could be no other day.

"Then Mothers Day it is."

He bent in to put his lips to hers but before he could kiss her, the phone started ringing off the hook. They backed away from each and looked at the phone, resenting the interruption. Just who would be calling them now, when everyone they knew was aware that they were basking in the sweetness of having two newborn babies at home and didn't want to be disturbed?

"You better get that baby. I am going to pump some more milk for the babies for later on." She kissed his lips gently and made her way from the room, the picture of beauty and elegance as she did.

He reached down and grabbed the cordless from the base, and pushed in the talk button. Whoever this was, they were going to get an earful from him for interrupting a private moment with his soon to be wife.

"Hello?"

"John! Glad I caught you son. Vince McMahon here."

Vince McMahon was calling him? He hadn't been in the company for a year now, so what was the Chairman doing calling him now?

'Hey Vince, what can I do for you?"

There was silence on the line then and John wasn't sure if the man had gotten disconnected or if there was a problem with the phone. It wasn't until he spoke again that John was able to breathe a sigh of relief. There was nothing wrong with the phone. Vince was just biding his time. Something John should have seen coming.

"Well now that all that business is over with there in Toronto, I was thinking it was time for the Champ to come back to RAW and back to the WWE. What do you say to that?"

Was he really ready to make this big a decision right now? Had he not gotten used to life with Trish and the babies and the way things were going? Why would he want to go back there now when they had pushed him away so willingly before?

"I don't know Vince. I need to think about it and talk about it with Trish. It's a major decision if I choose to return and I just don't think I should make it alone."

He heard the older man chuckle in the background, causing him to go along with it and laugh himself. Not that he got the joke at all but whatever.

"Well talk about it with the little woman and get back to me. I will await your call back. Just remember John, if you let this chance slip past you now, you may never get another like it again."

As Vince hung up the phone with a loud bang in his ear, John had to wonder just how much of what Vince had said was true. If he wanted the shot to come back again, he could get it based on his talent and not because he was being forced into it.

The thing that troubled him more now though was not what Vince thought or even what he was slightly demanding. But it was of his fiancée, the woman he loved and just what she would make of it if he indeed decided that going back into the wrestling business full time was something he wanted to do. Would she support him the way she always had or was this going to cause a major rift between them?

He was almost too afraid to find out.

* * *


	2. The Answer

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Cast:** John Cena and Trish Stratus as the main characters. Shawn Michaels as a supporting character.

* * *

**Say you've been kicked around**

"Who was that on the phone?" Trish asked as she came back into the living room, placing the breast pump back into its bag and placing it down beside the rocking chair where she normally fed the babies on demand.

_Do I tell her it was Vince and that he wants me back in the company? Do I admit that it's really something I want to do again even though she just had the babies?_

"It was Vince McMahon." He said nonchalantly, wanting to make her believe it wasn't as big a deal as it really was.

"Oh really? What did he want?" She asked, trying to straighten away the mess she had made throughout the morning with the children. As much as she wanted to deny it, she found herself falling behind with the housework since she had come home with the babies. Everything just seemed to be everywhere and there was no end in sight.

"He wants me to come back and compete on the active roster again."

This made her look up then and throw him a look, questioning him without saying a word. "Is that something you want to do baby?"

"I was thinking about it to be honest but then I keep thinking I need to be here for awhile with you and the babies. I don't want to be one of those husbands that ditches the wife they just sat through a labor with to go back to work. I mean you had major surgery. I want to be sure you are healed before I think about my career."

That much was true as he said the words. He wanted to be sure that when and if the time came to go back to active competition that she was going to be healed and well on her way back to the condition she had been in before the pregnancy had even happened. There was no way in hell he was going to be one of those men that walks out on their families. That wasn't even open for debate.

She stopped her cleaning and made her way over to him then, wrapping herself up in his arms and letting the familiar feeling of the two of them touching stand for a moment before speaking again.

"You are ready to do this aren't you John? You miss being the Champ."

"Yeah I do Trish but not as much as I used too. That all changed when I got you and now the family we have. But there are days like today when the pull to go back really hits me and I realize just how much I miss it."

She surprised him then but letting him do the one thing he had been afraid she wouldn't do. "Then i say call him back and do it. I am not fully healed but you can work that out with Vince. Stay here for another few weeks and when I think I can deal with everything again, then you can go ahead and go back on the road. If its what you heart wants then I am not going to say no to it."

He looked down at her in his arms as she looked up at him. Their eyes met and they both smiled. They had a habit of doing that lately, and he liked it. He also liked that no matter what he seemed to do, or want to do in his life she seemed to be there every step of the way pushing him towards his goals. She really was his Angel.

"You're sure about this then Trish? I mean if you think it's not what you want or need then tell me. This isn't just about me anymore."

She shook her head, blowing off the worry that John was showing. He had to stop worrying so much about her reaction or it would always be like walking on egg shells when they were together, something she had been there and done before and never wanted to do again.

"Stop worrying so much and just do it. At the very least think of it this way. You would be doing this for our family anyway, we need all the money we can get while we make a life for these babies of ours and you can be the MAN and do that for us."

She put the emphasis on the word man and it made them both break out laughing. He had never really believed deep inside that he was the man, but with Trish by his side he really believed that he had the right to be. She made him feel like the man with each and every second that passed. It was something that would take some getting used too but something he enjoyed.

_Life really doesn't get any better once you truly fall in love. _He thought.

"No baby it doesn't. Now call Vince back while I clean the rest of his damn house up. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth either. Be thankful we still have a relationship with the WWE that means we have something to fall back on."

As she walked away from him and back to the job at hand he smiled and watched her for a few seconds. She was right, he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. But why did it still feel like something horrible was about to happen if he called Vince back? A feeling he just couldn't shake.

The doorbell rang then and he put the worry to the back of his mind and made his way to answer it. When he pulled the door open and took a look at the person standing on his doorstep he realized that he knew the reason for the ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach had nothing to do with calling Vince back at all.

It had to do with the very person that was now standing on his door step wanting to get into the house. The one person that had the ability to make the past real again. Someone he just didn't have the heart to deal with at the moment.

Before he had a chance to open his mouth and say anything, his fiancée did it for him, not missing a beat.

"Get the hell off my property and don't you ever come back!"

* * *


	3. FaceOff

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Cast:** John Cena and Trish Stratus as the main characters. Shawn Michaels as a supporting character.

* * *

**Oh you're hiding in the corner with your hat  
pulled down low**

This was something she had seen coming, had known that eventually there would be a confrontation between the two men but she had always wished it would be in a courtroom, not the middle of their living room. The house was so filled with love, why did he have to come here now and turn it dark?

"Can I come in?" was all he asked, his face solemn, seemingly full of regret. Regret that Trish felt was completely deserved. He should damn well regret the last year of his life because he had almost ruined three others.

"Let him in John."

John moved out of the doorway in almost robotic movement. He had no words, just feelings that he had thought were finally dead and buried. The sense of foreboding he had gotten when he thought about the call he was going to make to the WWE had not been because of the end result of the call, but because the person before him now was the only real friend he had once thought he had in the company.

But that was all a charade wasn't it?" A game that he hadn't known he was a part of and yet had come out the loser on. Not something he dealt with well and seeing this man now only made the demons that threatened him that much stronger.

Trish knew from the look that was plastered on his strong features that he hadn't the words to speak so she seemed to want to do it for him. Deep down she had her own questions, or more accusations that she wanted to throw out there, and knew that they were on par with what her future husband was feeling and thinking as well.

"I thought they locked up criminals, to keep them away from the innocents that they might possibly hurt. So why the hell are you in our home, now of all times?"

He finally looked at her then, the broken man that he was and she found that looking at him now she didn't have to steel herself to anything he might say or do because her heart had been frozen to him when she had found out the real truth behind the accident and what this man had hidden for so long. She had never hated anyone in her life but this man was changing that.

"I needed to reach out to you. I know what is going to happen to me in a short period of time. So I am using Michelle's bail money to finally do the right thing. The thing I should have done from the very beginning. I need to make amends for the mess I have created."

"And if we don't want any part of it?" John asked then, finally finding his voice and the strength to stare down his former best friend. Randy Orton. The man who had caused that accident that night without so much as an explanation as to why. What had he been doing there? Was he there to find John or to make him pay for something he hadn't done?

"Then you don't have too. I just think I owe you an explanation. It has been way to long and way to overdue don't you think?"

John nodded, followed then by Trish, who seemed to be softening just a little, maybe for John or maybe because in her heart of hearts, everyone deserved the chance to speak their piece. Sometimes she wished she wasn't this good natured because a part of her wanted to kill Randy Orton for the hell he had put them all through.

"Why were you here in Toronto that night Randy? How did you come to be on the same damn road as me?"

He answered quickly, words he had been wanting to say forever and just never finding the courage or the time to say them until now. "I followed you here, I had been here as long as Trish and you had. I followed you to the AA meeting and then when you took off I followed you. I even drank in the same bar that you did."

_He had been in the bar that night I was getting shit faced and he did nothing to stop me?_ John thought to himself, a feeling of sickness passing through him. He knew that no one, not even his supposed best friend could have stopped his binge that night, the pain of it still fresh as if it had happened only mere minutes ago, but he still should have tried. Instead it had ended badly for all of them.

"Why didn't you stop me then man? You must have saw me get behind the wheel. Why didn't you stop me?"

"Would you have listened to anything I had to say? John I could have stopped you that night but you and I both know that what happened between me and Michelle ruined that chance for the save. I got on the road behind you, not knowing how drunk I was until the accident happened."

"How did you cause it? Did you do it on purpose?"

Randy stopped then and looked away from his old friend and the woman he loved and back down to the flowers on the carpet below him. He knew it had not been intentional but was he ever going to make them believe that?

"I didn't plan it. I saw you speed up and I sped up too, I got in front of you but before I knew it I had slammed into the car head of me and then you hit into my car. You were never a part of the accident John. It was all on me. I saw what might happen that night on the road and in trying to stop it, I ended up making things a whole hell of a lot worse."

John wanted to agree with him but he knew it wouldn't do any of them any good. For all of the wrong that Randy had done, keeping everything hidden the way he had, he had in the end been trying to stop something more serious from happening. It had cost them both everything. It was only now that John was able to get just a little sliver of it back again. The answers might not have meant anything to anyone else but in that moment it had all made sense to John. Randy had been a horrible friend and he wasn't sure he could forgive him, but despite the desire not to want too, he understood him.

"I can't say thank you for what you did. Something ended up happening that night and you were the cause of it. You made me go down for something I had no part of and for that i will never forgive you. But I do understand. I should never have done what I did. I may have been the very catalyst that made this accident take place and I hold those people's deaths close to my heart because of it. But you did the wrong thing in running from it all this time."

John had a point and he knew it but he wasn't running anymore. He made a mistake, watching as John was sent to prison and had almost died because of his mistake but he was doing the right thing now and that was making it right again.

They would never be friends, hell they would never be anything more then just a passing fancy to each other now and Randy was fine with that because in the end, the raising he had gone through in life was now starting to show itself. He was finally admitting his faults and becoming the man he should have been years ago.

Whether or not he believed it, John had himself to thank for that and he always would.

* * *


	4. Plane Confession

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Cast:** John Cena and Trish Stratus as the main characters. Shawn Michaels as a supporting character.

**Authors Note**: There are some of you that do not realize this is a sequel to another sequel to the original story. So basically if this story seems to make no sense to you, please go back and read Bliss, and then read Whats Left Of Me. Thanks to all of you that do that,and thank you to each and every one of you that reviewed the last few chapters of this one. I have been doing my damnedest to work on this and I've been falling short. But I do eventually get around to it and here is the next update!

* * *

**You can't see past the next round**

He hadn't said anything to her for hours now. They had spoken vaguely when Randy had left the house only day before but since then it was like John was pulling away from her all over again. She wanted to say something about it to him, but with the babies and all of the demands on her time, it never seemed to come up.

_Maybe getting my mother to watch the babies while I accompany John to Titan will open him up. We really haven't had much of a chance to get out on our own since the babies came. I might be reading too much into it. I'm sure nothings really wrong._

Now if she could only get herself to believe what she was thinking then everything would work out fine.

He had been this way since Randy's visit. Which was part of the reason why she wasn't immediately jumping on him. She had hopes that he would eventually come and talk to her,the way he had been lately so they could work through anything that seemed to come up together. This time was different in that he hadn't said much of anything to anyone. Shawn included.

"Do you want my peanuts?" she asked him, passing them over to where he sat beside her on the plane, awaiting the final landing in Connecticut.

He grunted a reply and closed his eyes again, the same way he had been the entire time they had been on the flight. Was it going to be like this the entire time they were at the WWE headquarters? Because if it was then she wanted the first flight home that minute. Her babies needed her more then John seemed too.

"John stop acting like this and talk to me!"

He slanted his eyes in her direction and opened them slowly, taking the woman before him in before closing them again. From where she sat it looked as if he had been going to say something and had thought better of it.

Damn it.

"There is nothing to say Trish."

_Yeah right, he was taking a cop out. What a child._ She thought, instantly feeling guilty for thinking the way she was. She had thought they had gotten past this thing between them. Hiding things and making the other feel pain. Apparently he did not feel the same and she was indeed in pain because she knew that he was.

The ability they shared of being able to think and the other could hear the thoughts wasn't working anymore either so she was at her wits end. All she wanted was for him to be honest with her before something ended up getting in the way again. As it always seemed to do with them.

"John ever since Randy came by and told you everything about that night you haven't been yourself. If you don't want to talk to me about it, then for God sakes call Shawn and tell him. Stop pushing us all away the way you have been."

Was he doing that? Was he really pushing his fiancée away,and someone he considered to be his best friend? He knew he had been different since the visit from Randy, hearing all that he had that day. He didn't mean to be this way but he was really bothered by all of it and the fact that Randy was going to have a child he was never going to see. Something John himself had almost had to deal with. He didn't wish that anyone, not even Randy.

"I don't mean to push you away. This whole WWE thing has me rattled a little bit, and Randy's visit didn't help things. I just don't know if this is the right move for me. I am having doubts."

So this was what was bothering him and he was afraid to talk to her about? He had fears about his career and wanted to hide it? Well she had to put a stop to that before it went any further.

"Randy put himself where he is John. I know we both said that we forgave him but it's going to take a long time to forget. At least for me anyway. I almost lost you because of what happened that night and I can't exactly look back and pretend it didn't happen. You're allowed to feel the same too." She broke off then, allowing herself to breath before taking a stab at the second problem that her future husband was facing. One that technically they should be facing together.

"Do you really want to go back to the WWE?"

He nodded, and Trish figured he was just saving his breath for a question that actually required more then a one word reply. "Then why are you so worried about going back then? From what I remember about your time in the ring on Raw when I was there you were at the top of your game."

"I was, and I want to be there again. See Trish, thats what I'm afraid of most. That I would be at the top of my game. For the WWE or for you and our babies."

If the flight attendant hadn't chosen that moment in time to tell them to buckle up for the landing of the plane she would surely have jumped into his seat and put all of his worries to rest right then and there. There was no way in hell that she would ever think of John in any way other then the wonderful man he was. The fact that he was so worried about letting her down touched her, but at the same time made her realize that they had a long way to go before John could have complete faith in her.

Michelle may be gone from his life but the affect that she had made on it still remained. It was something they had to work on together for as long as they wanted to be together and it was going to be an uphill battle. One that she was more then willing to walk through for him. She loved him and now all she had to do was show him just how much.

All she had to do now was get off the damn plane and she would. John wouldn't worry about letting their family down anymore and she would finally get the man she loved back into her arms again, the way he had been before Randy's visit. It really was a win/win situation.

She couldn't wait.

* * *


	5. Long Dead Brother

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Cast:** John Cena and Trish Stratus as the main characters. Shawn Michaels as a supporting character.

* * *

**Whatever happened to the fire inside of you?**

They had finally reached Titan Towers and couldn't be happier. The ride had been a bumpy one, what with his admission of feeling where his career and family were concerned. He wanted to make her see that he wasn't trying to push her away but every attempt he made at doing so only seemed to make things worse.

He had attacked her in the cab ride to the meeting and now he felt like kicking himself because of it. He had no right to personally go after the way he had. He needed help. He couldn't do this alone anymore and Trish, as much as she loved him just wouldn't be able to clear his mind of all of the stresses on it right now.

As the walked into the building that Vince had built he placed his hand out, letting it gently touch against hers. His silent way of saying that he was sorry. He knew he ought to say it out loud but this was the way he did things and she instantly responded to it. She placed her hand through his and they walked through together, as a unit, something he had always wished he would be a part of.

"I'm sorry for blowing up at you."

"I know you are."

"I think I need to talk to someone. Before you say that I can talk to you, I know I can. I mean someone that can deal with this kind of thing." he stopped then, watching her expression for some sort of tell that would let him know how she felt about everything. He didn't get any so spoke again. "I don't want to get back in the ring if I am not completely one hundred percent ready."

"I understand John and I am right there with you. I've been in therapy for months now."

He stopped walking then and pulled away from her, watching as she stopped as well. This was something they had never talked about before and he wondered why now. If she had been in therapy for months that meant that she had been there when he had been incarcerated. Why hadn't she told him before now?

"You want to know why i haven't mentioned it don't you?"she said, a small smile playing on her lips. She liked that for once she knew what he was thinking before he could get the words out. It hadn't happened for awhile and she was glad it hadn't gone away completely.

"Yeah, so why didn't you tell me? Was it because of me going away the way I did?"

She shook her head negatively and started to walk again. He knew deep down that she was trying to push the subject to the background and he wasn't going to let her. This was something serious and he wanted to know everything he could. He had to know deep down that he wasn't the cause of her going to therapy.

"Why Trish? Don't walk away now. Not when you drop a bombshell like that."

She spun around and pointed to her watch. He followed her and realized that she wasn't running from the truth of the matter, but that they were going to be late for the meeting with Vince if they didn't keep going.

"Okay I get that we're gonna be late but can you promise me we can talk about this later?"

"Yes John, I will tell you everything later after this meeting is over and done with. For the record though, if you need therapy to get over your inner demons, consider it alright with me. I want you to feel like your old self again and I know how hard its going to be to do that."

* * *

"Well will wonders never cease? Is that the former Women's Champion I see?" Vince said as he came out of his office to the two of them standing and waiting patiently to meet with the boss. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly,glad to see that after all that she had been through in the past few years that she was doing so well.

She looked the way she had the last time he had seen her in the ring and that meant that having two children seemed to have only enhanced her beauty instead of hindering it. If the meeting they were about to have didn't have to do with John then he would surely find out if she was ready for a comeback as well.

"It's nice to see you Vince. I hope you don't mind me coming along with John. It's been forever it seems since we've gotten away from being mommy and daddy."

"Not at all, why don't you go in and make yourselves comfortable. I need to give these papers to my secretary and I will be right there."

They walked into the office, still hand in hand but Trish could feel the shift in John the closer they got to the meeting beginning. He was about to turn all business. A side of him that she had never really seen or gotten to know in their time together. He seemed to have gone cold around her and she had to pull her hand away before she herself felt the cold shiver run through her body.

"The last time I was here they wanted me to drop the belt. Obviously I didn't drop it because I fought it but the fighting still stays with me."

She nodded and poured herself a glass of water. She had brought the breast pump along with her to keep her milk supply going for the babies and the water was sure to help that a long when the time came for her to do so. She just hoped that when Vince had said they could make themselves at home, he meant they could drink too.

"Relax John, this meeting is only about making your career back to the way it was before the whole accident happened. There isn't going to be any fighting anymore."

The door opened then and Vince came into the room. Someone followed behind him but John was too busy looking at his future wife and her words she had spoken then at whoever might be entering. It was only when Vince chose that moment to speak that he looked up and took notice.

The man standing off to the side of Vince looked familiar. The eyes seemed to have the same twinkle in them as his own did at certain times and he wondered just where he had seen these eyes and this person before.

"The reason I brought you here today John, the reason I wanted the meeting is because of the person that is joining us right now. He called me a few months back, when you were still going through your legal issue and it seemed almost to good to pass up."

"What seemed too good to pass up?" John asked, still taken with the man that was standing even closer to them now, closer to Trish anyway. He felt nervous, sick almost as he tried to figure out just what the hell was going on and why this man seemed to give him the creeps. He looked to Trish and saw that she was as confused by all of this as he was.

She chose that moment to speak up for him and for herself and get to the bottom of this. "Before you answer why don't you tell me who this mystery person is and what they have to do with John and bringing his career back?"

Vince smiled between the two of them and wasted no time in speaking. " I thought John would have guessed by now but since that doesn't seem to be happening then I guess I should introduce the two of you to the newest member of Raw."

They threw looks between them and then back at the mystery man that Vince had just thrown on them. It was then that John realized who the person was and he immediately felt like throwing up.

This wasn't just another wrestler that Vince had gone out and found working in the independent scene. This was someone fiercer, someone that he hadn't seen in years. The person standing before him now should have never even been there and the fact that he was spoke volumes to just how messed up his life really was.

The person before them wasn't just any wrestler, it was none other then a very much older younger brother of his. He might have grown a bit but the reason the eyes were so crystal clear to him and he knew them so well was because he had seen them so many times before. They were his eyes and this man was the one brother he thought he would never see again.

"Trish, meet Sean Cena, my long dead brother."

* * *


	6. Aftermath

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Cast:** John Cena and Trish Stratus as the main characters. Shawn Michaels as a supporting character.

* * *

**You had the world by the tail**

"Wait a second! What?" Trish said looking between the man hidden closer now to Vince McMahon and the man in three short months she was about to have as a husband. She noticed instantly the similar eye shape and color and the way their jaw lines seemed to match and she knew right then that John was telling her the truth.

The man before them now was none other then Sean Cena. But what he was doing there and why now were all things she hadn't figured out yet. From the look on John's face he was obviously thinking the same thing.

"Look I thought this meeting was about getting my career back on track after what was a horrible time in my life. I obviously thought wrong. I don't know what kind of sick joke this is but I don't want to have any part of it. Good day Gentleman."

Not waiting around to see what Trish was going to do, John made a beeline for the door,leaving the past and his very much alive brother in the room where he belonged. He had no idea what was going on here but he didn't want to stick around to find out.

Sean was alive? After all this time? How was that even possible?

_You never did go to his funeral or see his body before he was buried._

The fact entered his mind, making him realize that it was indeed the truth. When the funeral had happened he had been miles away in the Rehab facility and he had not had the strength to go and say goodbye to his brother. But that didn't explain why his family all of these years had made him think he had killed his younger brother, when that was indeed not the case. Just what had they been hoping to gain by putting him through this?

Better yet, what the hell was Sean doing in the WWE office now, 15 years after the accident had taken place. After all this time he was choosing now to come back and make his appearance? Just what kind of game was his younger brother running and why was it centered around the only thing John had left in his life that was any good? Why was his brother in the damn WWE office today of all days?

He had raced through the building as quickly as he could, not wanting to stick around and wait for his fiancée on the off chance both men that were in the office would try and stop him. He exited the building and seeing the cab that was pulling up in front of it, he hailed the driver down and immediately hopped in. He didn't know where he was going to end up now but he knew that it had to be anywhere but where he was now.

He wished with all of his might that what had happened up there only mere minutes before was just the remnants of a bad dream. Because if he actually allowed himself to believe that what he had witnessed was real then he was going to end up worse off then he had ever been in his past.

* * *

She had wanted to run after him, wanted to run with him to wherever he was going to end up and stop him from doing the only thing he had always done in times of extreme upset. She had turned to go but before she could make her way out of the room Vince had stopped her. Leaving her no choice but to stay there and listen to what these two men had to say for themselves.

"What the hell were you thinking Vince? What the hell is this about?" she demanded, having every right to find out just what the hell game Vince thought he was running. For someone that had sounded so damn sincere only minutes before he was sure turning out to be the shrewd businessman everyone claimed him to be.

What he had done to John was nothing short of sick and she wanted to make sure she understood just what in the hell had driven him too it. Just what kind of man would set this meeting up and announce that the man's dead brother was very much alive and expect him to stick around and act like it was no big deal?

"I know what this looks like Patricia, it wasn't meant to come across the way that it has."

She rolled her eyes with a snort then. Sure it hadn't meant to come across the way it had. But it had and now they had both better start dealing with it. She also wanted to smack him for using her given name,something he had no right to do anymore. Their personal relationship had died the minute this sick play had gone into motion.

"So then the man thats here with us isn't Sean Cena? Someone that until this very moment John thought was dead and buried and has felt nothing but pain over all of these years? Because it certainly looks like it came across just the way you both wanted it too if you ask me. This is absolutely deplorable Vince and if John had wanted to come back and work for you, I'm going to make damn sure he doesn't now."

She walked towards the door when she felt the arm tighten on her wrist, stopping her from turning the knob and getting the hell out of the room she wanted too. She had half a mind to turn around and clock the bastard but there was something in his eyes when she looked at them that reminded her of John and the need to leave and run after the man she loved seemed to subside.

"This was my doing, not Mr. McMahon's. Please, don't run away until I've gotten the chance to tell you why I put this in motion and why I wanted it to go down this way. At the very least I think John owes me that much."

Keeping her voice low, trying to remain as calm as possible she looked at the man that mirrored the man she loved so much and she spoke again, her anger successfully put on the back burner.

"John may owe you something, in fact I know that he does but me, I don't owe you a damn thing other then a good nut crack for what you've done to him; to us; today. So please, if you know whats good for you, let go of my arm so I can go and find John before something bad happens."

He let go of her arm then and she made her way out the door, not realizing that she was being directly followed as she did by the brother John had believed long dead. The man had no idea what he had done here today and there was no way she would have enough time to make him see it.

She needed to find John and she needed to do it now before the end result ended up more deadly then it had the last time. Knowing the brother he had thought long dead was very much alive was the catalyst for John to find himself on the wrong end of another bottle of alcohol, something she had fought so hard to put an end too.

Trish hoped with everything in her that she was able to find him in time or their happy little family would fall apart and might never be able to be repaired again.

* * *


	7. Dark Mistake

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Authors Note:** Note to all of you. You will not like this chapter. LOL. Now you can not read it and skip and wait for the next update or you can read at your own risk and pray for the best. I just feel the need to state that here and now it's an emotionally charged chapter and it might end up pissing off some of you by the end.

* * *

**Oh no one else remembers but man I do  
You could've had it all but you walked away**

He wasn't sure how long he had been there now, but he was positive that it was too long. He knew he had done the wrong thing leaving his girlfriend in the office with his brother and his boss but at the time all he had wanted was to get out of there and find some sense of normalcy.

This place wasn't normal to him by any means but he was going relatively unnoticed by the patrons and for that he was content in the moment. If they had realized just who it was sitting there with them then there would be a riot and at the moment the end result of it would be someone placing another charge on him. Something he was never going to have again.

He scanned the bar, out of necessity really, not wanting Trish to find out he was there and try and bring him home. He didn't expect she would find him but she would certainly think he had gone to one of the many bars around this fair city. She knew him better then he knew himself sometimes so nothing was beyond her scope.

In the short time since they had fallen in love he had learned that about her. When she wanted something, whether to own it or find it, she always got it. There was no hiding from her.

_So then why are you doing just that?_ The inner voice in his head screamed at him. He had been pushing this voice away for the past three hours now since he had entered the establishment and he would continue to do so.

He was not running from her this time. Merely running from himself and the fact that his family had lied to him all this time and told him his younger brother had died at his own hand. When he was very much alive and waiting to get back in his face. Life sure sucked sometimes. But he was not running.

He saw the shadow before he saw the person but when he looked up and came face to face with the buxom blond woman before him he had to admit he was pleasantly surprised. Of all the people that had yet to come up to him, this one, he had seen but had let go rather quickly. She had been with a man that was probably either her boyfriend or her pimp and he hadn't been looking for anything of the sort in that moment.

"You look lonely." she said her voice as smooth as milk chocolate. He was astounded by her mouth,her lips pursed and ready, as if she was just waiting for him to say the word and those lips would be his for as long as he wanted them.

Would he take her up on it even though she hadn't asked? Was he that out of it from the drinks that he would take a step back in his healthy lifestyle and backtrack?

_God she looks so much like Trish. _He thought as his eyes met hers and he playfully smiled at her. It was barely a minute before she returned the same smile with a hint of a playful gleam in her eye as well.

It didn't take ten shots of whiskey for him to realize that this woman wanted him, and it wouldn't take another ten to realize she was going to get what she wanted. No names, no addresses, just two people who were down on their luck finding solace in each other.

He was trying to justify what his body seemed to eagerly want with what he knew was wrong and he was losing. He was going to leave this bar with this woman and go to parts unknown and fuck her brains out. He was going to give her what he had given tons of girls before Michelle, and that was just a little piece of the man known as the Champ.

He stood from the bar then and threw down a twenty to pay for the two drinks he had ordered and downed in succession. She passed him another flirty gaze and put her hands softly into his, letting him lead her the entire way out of the bar and away to the place where they could finally be alone.

"You're a quick mover." the blond said, not taking her eyes off of John for a second. "I like a man who knows what he wants."

John was drunk, feeling it more then ever then in that moment when she spoke to him but he knew there was no turning back for him. He was going to go wherever this woman asked him too and do just about anything she wanted him to do to her. It was just the way he felt inside right in that moment.

He wanted to tell the woman about Trish and how he shouldn't be doing this but he thought better of it. He didn't want to scare the woman he thought to be a working girl off before the act even took place.

Nothing in his life was making any sense anymore and in that moment of pure drunken lust he was more then glad that this didn't either. He had gone from being a guilty man over the death of his brother to being the brother who had been scammed all the long. Nothing was clear anymore, not even the fact that this woman before him now could quite possibly be the woman he loved.

"God I want you so ba-bad Wis-Wish." he slurred, suddenly having all of the shots sink into his mind. "Take me home and let me show you how much."

The woman tightened her grip on his hand and they immediately jumped into a cab, heading to the womans motel room, but to John heading home with the woman of his dreams for a night of lovemaking that would make him forget totally about his brother, and focus on the woman who was about to be his wife.

When they entered the motel room a few minutes and a quick cab ride later, his arms all over her, his mouth tasting her in ways he had never done before in his lifetime, he realized just how much he had fallen over the past little while. Deep down he knew the person that he was about to enter was not Trish Stratus, the next Mrs. Cena, but just another girl in a long line of girls he had been with before he had started to settle down.

At the moment of entry into this womans most private area, he knew there was no going back. He was a broken man, one that if he had his way would never be forced to be fixed again. The John Cena everyone had known to be the best in the business had now reached his own personal low and he was in absolutely heaven as he did.

* * *


	8. The Follower

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

* * *

**Don't walk away...**

Trish exited the hotel room, surprised that she hadn't found him there. She had been here a million times before but when it came down to it she never lingered longer then she had too. She had no idea where to look for John in the city and she was at a loss as to where to go now.

If he hadn't come back to the hotel, which was obvious because his clothing and items were still the way he had left them that day, then where in the world could he have gone? From all the long talks they had done in the past about this city, John seemed to know even less about it then she did.

But he had to be somewhere. He just didn't vanish. People didn't do that. There had to be some sort of trail and she had to find him before the end of the night. There was no way she was going to sleep alone when she could have the man she loved there beside her.

_He's in a bar somewhere getting into trouble and you know it._ Her inner voice told her rather bluntly. She didn't want to admit it but that was what she was assuming now. She knew that the first place he would always go until he got over the past was going to be a bar and she should have started looking there.

_But I really hoped that he would have come home and waited for me to get here._

That wasn't the case and as she made sure the hotel room was locked and was set to turn around she knew it might never be the case. Was he ever going to completely trust her and open himself to someone. Someone like her who could help him shoulder some of the pain that he had in his life?

She turned around and almost fell back into the door in shock as she came face to face with Sean Cena. If there was ever a time to be completely freaked out this was the time. She still wasn't used to seeing those eyes and have them not be John's. He also had an eerie ability to be around you and you would never even know it. Which was the case now.

"What in the hell do you want? Do you always lurk around people you barely know?"

He shook his head but still didn't say a word. Trish didn't have time to deal with him now and she doubted she ever would. His quietness bothered her more then she could say and she just wanted to get the hell away from him now.

She started to head toward the elevator and she instantly knew by the shadow on the wall that the man was setting in to follow her again. Was he ever going to back off? Wasn't his brother running off enough for him?

She spun around and put her hand up forcing him stop mid step. She had to put a stop to this or at the very least find out what the hell he wanted. Right now her only concern had to be finding John before he got into more trouble then he could handle.

"What the hell do you want from me?"

"I want to find John and you are the only one that can help me do that."

She raised her eyebrows, astounded by the assumption that would want to help him do anything with his brother. She wanted him the hell away from John if she could have her way. The only issue she knew was that two eyes were better then one set. Especially when one set of them looked just like the eyes she needed to find.

"Why me?" she asked, pushed just about to her limit.

"Because John loves you thats why. I know this isn't a situation you want a part of but it's here now and you can't push it away. I'm very much alive and I need to talk to my brother."

She had to agree with him there, they both had the same need to find John and talk to him. But that was where the similarity ended.

"Fine you can come with me but if you upset him anymore then you have done already then you're going to have to answer to me."

He just nodded his head nonchalantly and walked beside her to the elevator. She felt weird with him now, knowing that this was someone from John's family. Someone he had thought he had killed all these years and no one had corrected the assumption. Maybe it was time they got it all out in the open. It seemed there was no better time then the present.

As the elevator opened and they were finally let off after going down all the flights they headed for the door of the hotel, knowing full well where they had to look first. Sean might not have been around for the last fifteen years but it seemed that without words they were on the same page.

John had always had a problem with drinking so that was the first place they needed to start looking. Any dive within the area that could take him.

"You really love him don't you?" Sean asked as the finally hit the street. Before she had an answer to give him though they both locked eyes with the man that was now staggering their way, a blasted looking girl, who resembled her to an extent attached to his arm.

He didn't seem to see them but as she stood there and watched the two of them get closer she saw him bend in close and kiss her, in a way that all these years she had assumed was just for the special woman in his life, the way that was just now for her.

It made her want to be sick.

* * *


	9. Man Of Mystery

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

* * *

**If it's what you love it's worth fighting for**

She was frozen in place, not sure if she was even able to move the legs that had gotten her out to where she stood in that moment. She knew that John was walking and kissing another woman, groping her to be more specific, right in front of her and he didn't even seem to care. She wanted to move, to slap him or do something but she didn't have it in her.

The shock of what she had just witnessed and was still witnessing was almost too much for her to bear.

Sean was beside her, his arm now around her back, seeing the same thing as he was and in as much shock as well. While he was the son back from the dead, the brother that John had believed to be dead, he was more then that to her now. Right now he was the only thing that kept her standing there instead of fainting dead away on the floor.

How could she have had children with this man? All the while believing that he loved her and would never do something as horrible as walk out on her and cheat. But yet here he was doing just that and looking like he didn't have a care in the world? Just what had she been thinking this entire time? What was she going to do about the wedding now?

She wanted to believe that this was only happening because of Sean being alive and it having torn the man she loved in two, but this was a drastic change from drinking somewhere until he couldn't see anymore and what she was witnessing now.

"I need to get out of here before he sees me." She whispered and as if heeding her cry, Sean swept her back into the hotel from which they had just exited, and they made a mad dash to get away from the door before John and his new fling could enter and see them.

When they were sure no one was watching them, that John was nowhere around, she let the emotions that were bottled inside come out. She knew that it wasn't right to be crying to the one man that had seemingly caused this whole mess, but there was nothing else she could do. She was hurt, betrayed and she just couldn't take it anymore.

Before the first tear that slipped out could make it past her chin, Sean reached out and handed her a tissue. When she looked up and caught his eye, it was nice to see that he was smiling, but not in the way she had expected him too. He was not in this to hurt her, or to bring any more hurt to John, he was just there to finally make amends for what had gone horribly wrong all those years ago.

"Thank you." she said through her tears and the occasional sniffle. Try as she might though she couldn't close her mind off from what she had seen and her inability to walk up to the man she adored and do something about it. She was supposed to be stronger then this. She had always been in the past. What was so different now?

"You don't have to hold it in you know. You also do not have to thank me for anything. If anything I'm shocked you aren't killing me right about now."

She looked at the man before her, shocked that he was very much a man and not the young boy that John had spoken of him to be. But he really was here and he was an adult now, no matter what the vision John had of him was.

"The thought crossed my mind." she said with a slight laugh. It felt nice in that moment to laugh again, even if was with a man that had an uncanny resemblance to the man who had just walked all over her heart.

"Well whenever you want to put those thoughts into action, you know where I'll be."

"Which is where exactly Sean? You haven't really told anyone what you are here for."

He didn't answer for a moment but she noticed he was doing a fair bit of fidgeting. The sure sign of someone that was hiding something. Something she knew well because Jeff had done the same thing all the years they had been together. The memory of that never went away.

"I'm here to make things right with John and maybe get into doing what my older brother has wanted to do his entire life. I want to be a wrestler."

* * *


	10. Failure To Launch

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

* * *

**Don't tell me it's too tough **

"You're sure you can do this? Do you want me to go in there with you?" Sean asked, his hand never leaving her back for a second. It was nice to have the support. She knew what she was possibly about to walk in on was something that was going to take everything within her but she had to do it. There could be no turning back. Her kids needed more and so did she.

Besides, she knew that if Sean went walking in there with her, and John got the impression that she had changed sides and was now with his brother through the entire situation then it was only going to make saving him that much worse. She hated to admit it but this was what this was to her now. She had to save him from himself. Yet again.

"You know the minute you enter that room there is going to be blood shed. So I think it's best if i just go in there and deal with it. This is John, not some stranger. I can handle it."

He said his goodbyes then and started walking down the hallway from which they had just come from. Before he could make it very far though, she called out to him again. "Thank you Sean."

He just nodded and went on his way without so much as another look behind him. She watched him go and when he was finally safely on the elevator she turned back toward the door she was now about to enter. It was time for her to make John face the music and she wasn't looking forward to it no matter what way you shook it.

This was going to be the next step in what had always been one hell of a hard relationship. She only hoped she could keep her chin up and do what had to be done. She had her kids to think about. It wasn't just her anymore.

Sliding the key card into the slot and seeing the green light blinking she pushed open the door that was now unlocked and made her way silently in. She wasn't sure what she was going to say; where she was going to begin but she knew there was no more turning back. There was no running away from what was going to be the hardest thing her heart had ever handled.

"Trish? Is that you?"

As she came around the corner of the wall to where the bed awaited and John sitting alone on top of it, looking again like the man she really loved, she sighed inwardly to herself. Damn this was going to be even harder now that there wasn't a girl there with him.

She had so much she wanted to yell at him. Ask him where he had been overnight and just why he hadn't thought to get in touch with her? Why he was pulling away from her at a time when they should be banding together, but all of it seemed lost to her as she just stood staring him in the eyes.

The eyes she had fallen in love with, the shade of blue different from her own, reminiscent of his heritage and making her remember just how innocent he had been when they had gotten together so long ago. She pushed the thoughts away as he stood and made his way over to her, attempting to put his arms around her and bring her close to him. She couldn't allow him to believe for a second that it was alright.

She pulled away and made her way further into the room, her back to him the entire time. She couldn't pretend she hadn't witnessed what she had earlier.

"Trish what is going on? Is something wrong?" He asked, again coming toward her, attempting to get close to her. The same man that only a couple of hours earlier she had seen making out with a woman who looked almost identical to her, but that was not her.

"Where the hell have you been John? Do you realize what kind of hell you put me through when you left the office and turned your cell off?"

_So much for approaching this rational and calmly. _She thought to herself once the words had flown out of her mouth. She hadn't mean to attack him this way but damn it there was no hiding her severe displeasure at this entire situation anymore.

"I ended up in a bar. Is that what you wanted to hear Trish? Yeah I find out that my brother is really alive and I head back to the one place that can kill me. I get that you're probably mad about that and you have every reason to be. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

She rolled her eyes, not letting his apology settle in her heart the way he was obviously hoping that it would. He needed to tell her everything and only then could she sort out the mess that was now again her life.

"Did you fuck her?"

His eyes went wide then, as if she had stepped inside his mind and found out just what he had been trying to hide this entire time. If he had been hoping that if he didn't think of it then it would just not have happened he had another thing coming.

"Did I fuck who? Trish! What the hell has gotten into you?"

"DID YOU FUCK HER? THE TRAMP YOU BROUGHT BACK HERE TWO HOURS AGO!"

His face fell then when he suddenly realized that she knew everything. There was no words to get him out of this now and that realization was finally hitting home. He either told her the truth of what had really happened now or have her find out another way. An even more painful way.

_Damn it I don't want to tell her because she is going to walk out on me and I can't blame her. I want to walk out on myself._

"Answer me John. Did you or did you not sleep with the blond I saw you with just a few hours ago when you came back into OUR hotel with her?"

It was now do or die time. He knew this was all his fault, that there really was no hiding it and definitely no going back in time to make it all stop. He had done the one thing he swore he would never do after finding out about Trish and Jeff when he had been locked away. He had cheated on her and in the process, ruined the only thing that mattered more to him then life itself.

There was certainly no way that he could get her to forgive him now. He just had to live with the consequences.

"Yes Trish alright? I slept with her. I know it's not an excuse but I was drunk and it didn't mean a damn thing. Once the booze wore off I kicked her out."

Her tears; the ones she had been trying to hide so well since walking into the room came then. She hadn't really known if they had slept together and she had been under the impression he would never walk that thin line. But as she lived and breathed now he had just told her he had betrayed her and their children together and given in to another woman. Drunk or not that was the end of everything she had ever believed to be true about the two of them. There really was no going back.

Which made the next words out of her mouth even harder to say. But she opened her mouth and said them and as she did she felt the pain take complete hold, ripping her heart forever in two.

"It doesn't matter John. It's over. Consider yourself single. You can now FUCK whoever you want. I no longer care."

* * *


	11. Awakening

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

* * *

**You got your doubts **

After shooting the last game of pool at Shawn's pool table, they both grabbed a beer from the mini fridge and made their way over to the bar where their seats were waiting for them.

Both men hadn't done a whole lot of talking since John had shown up in Texas at Shawn's doorstep. His wife hadn't been happy to see him at the hour it had been but she had been willing to let him in and for Shawn to come in and deal with him.

When Trish had walked out of the hotel that night, almost two weeks before now he had been at a loss. He knew she was going to do it and as he watched her go he knew that in that moment there was nothing he could do to make her stay.

He had done the one thing that to both of them was unforgivable. He had slept with another one only mere months before he was to marry the woman he considered a princess. While his brothers return was the catalyst for it, he knew deep down that when he left the bar with that woman the night before he hadn't put up a fight.

He had gone willingly and because of that he may have lost his family forever. Which was why now, two weeks and about 30 bottles of whiskey and rye later, he was on Shawn's doorstep. He needed guidance and he needed to know how to make this right. If he could.

"What did you do to her this time?" Shawn said knowing exactly what he had done but wanting John to be man enough to admit it. If he was ever going to change the way that he was; he had to at first acknowledge it.

"Does it really matter what I did Shawn? I need to know how to fix it."

"Then you need to tell me why in God's name you slept with that woman. You need to admit doing it and take responsibility for it. John if you want to have a snowballs chance in hell of getting her back this time then you need to admit that the way you are living your life is wrong."

He knew what he was talking about. For years when he had been champion and then when he hadn't been there had been moments where he was so hopped up on pain pills that he didn't even know what day of the week it was. He would sleep with random people, for no other reason to just release the loneliness that he had in his life. He had changed and he was married and had babies now. The same as John. But that was where the similarity ended.

John was a lost soul, one that he had been not so long ago and the man in him wanted to help John save himself from the very person that could kill him; himself. But in order to do that John had to be a man and stand up for what he had done wrong and go about trying to fix it.

"Don't you think I know that? Do you think what I really want to do each and every night is to drink myself to death? I know it's not right!"

He was snapping and he knew it but he really had expected more from this talk then what Shawn was giving him. He had expected some sort of understanding, because Shawn himself had been there only a few short years ago. Surely he had some understanding in him?

"Actually John what I believe or don't believe doesn't matter here. What matters is that you did drink yourself to death and sleep with someone woman in a bar and then flaunted it right in front of your wife. Someone who is supposed to be engaged and a family man isn't supposed to do that. But that's not for me to judge you on. Your time will come soon enough."

"She told you everything didn't she? That's why you have your back turned to me when I am here to for you to help me."

Shawn ran his hands through his hair angrily. He wanted to do something else entirely in that moment. He wanted to smack the hell out of the man before him now but knew that wasn't going to help anything. He was not taking sides because ever since he had gotten his life together he chose not to do that but making John believe that was another story. The man seemed to have no idea what was really going on here.

"That's bullshit John and you damn well know it. I've been there but the difference in me and you is that I was single at the time and I learned right quick to clean up my act. You are supposed to be getting married to a wonderful woman who loves you more then anything. You have been given twins by her but yet instead of being in Toronto with them, you are here with me. Surely you see how wrong that is."

Yeah he knew how wrong it was. He wanted to be in Toronto with his family but she had forbade him the day she had walked out of his life and he hadn't wanted to make things worse. So he had nursed his broken heart in his old apartment back in Boston, hoping that one day she would come to her senses and allow him to come home. He missed her and most of all he missed the babies.

"Then tell me how to fix it damn it!" John yelled, again raising his voice in anger. With Shawn laying it out the way he was and then his own thoughts taking hold, he had almost had enough.

"You want the truth here John? You may never get her back. But this isn't about her. I know why she walked away and I know what you need to do to make that better in your life. You just need to admit that you know it too."

"Admit what?"

"That you're an alcoholic."

Deep down the minute Shawn said the words he knew that they were right. He had a serious drinking problem and if he didn't do something about it soon it was going to be the death of him. It seemed though that with each passing moment, all of the hard knocks he seemed to be taking that he was never going to get to that point again. The point where he didn't need to drink anymore.

Shawn stood from the bar stool then and threw the empty beer can into the recycling bin underneath the bar. He motioned with his head towards the stairs that would lead back up into his house, where his babies and his wife were still sleeping. John followed his lead and did the same, following one step behind him the entire way.

When they got to the top of the stairs, Shawn pointed down the hall. "There's a guest room at the end there. I suggest right now that you use it because the minute I wake up from the sleep I am about to have, I am taking your sorry ass to rehab."

Without waiting around for a response, he headed up the stairs that would take him to his bedroom, leaving John standing there wondering just what Shawn had in mind for him.

Or even if it was worth it.

* * *


	12. The Walk

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Authors Notes:** Trish Orton, you are my girl aren't you? Thank you for being a supporter of this story even when it seems like it is at its worst point. I am forever thankful for your reviews and support! To everyone else that has read this, has added it as a favorite and otherwise, I thank you all as well. It means a great deal to me.

* * *

**Yeah I've been there before  
And I think you're strong enough  
Yeah I think you're strong enough**

They stood outside the gates and John felt sick to his stomach. Of course Shawn had warned him that this was coming but it still didn't mean he liked it. Hell this place looked like someplace out of a fairy tale, one complete with heaven like doors and gates. Was it possible this was actually another version of hell and not the rehab it was claiming to be?

How long had it been since he had been in a place like this. When he was sixteen and he was shipped off to Promises after the accident he was sure he would never have to enter another place like this again. But yet here he was now and it was about time to take the next step in his illness.

He had to do this. But contrary to what everyone else seemed to believe, this was not about his brother. This was not about his wife and children. For the first time in his life standing here now with Shawn, he knew this entry into a program was about him and about him making a positive change in his life so that whatever the fallout in his relationship with Trish Stratus, he could be an adequate father to his babies.

They needed that didn't they? They needed to have someone they could believe in. Someone that at the end of the day they could admit to their friends and even to their mother that they could believe in. He wanted to get better first for himself and then for the two of them. Those babies hadn't asked to come into this hell, they just were in it and he had to do the right thing and make sure their lives were better. He owed them that much.

"I don't know if I can do this Shawn. I haven't done something close to this in years. It wasn't easy then and it is NOT easy now."

Shawn nodded his head, deep in thought on something but not revealing for a second what that could possibly be. Only when he spoke again did John get an adequate vision as to where his friend was going with this entry into the rehab system.

"Do you want to fix what you've broken?"

"Of course I do Shawn but what good is this going to do anyone. Trish has no idea I'm here and my brother. Well I did to square things with my brother before I can ever expect to heal. The whole reason my life has been such an uphill battle is because of what I believed I did to him. If he is not here to speak with me then how can I ever truly be free of this anger and pain?"

Shawn nodded again. John was making a very valid point but as his eyes fell behind the ex champion now, the two people making their way close to the men standing at the golden colored gate, he knew that at the very least John could get some closure before those same gates closed on him and he was shut away from the rest of the world that had made him the person he was.

"I can give you help on one of those things right now man because Trish does know you are here. In fact if you turn around you'll find out that she is here to make sure you go through with this."

John followed along with the mans words and he turned around and as he did, he came face to face with another one of his friends, one that wanted to help him as much as Shawn to get better and the woman of his dreams. For all of the mistakes and fuck ups he had made, she was here now and she looked just as beautiful as ever.

Without her, he was a broken man but seeing her now he knew that in time, he would be strong enough again to be put back together.

"I didn't think you would come." he said as he took her in. From the tips of her still blond hair to the bottom of her feet that were now covered with sandals, she had never looked better in his eyes. As much as he wanted to believe he needed to do this for himself, he also knew that his heart would not let him do it for just him but for her and their family as well. He needed to make up for the pain he had caused.

"I almost didn't come but two very wise men talked to me and let me see that if I didn't then it wouldn't help any of us."

He moved closer to her then, half expecting her to walk away and to finally turn her back on him again. Something she had done only a few weeks before and something he knew he really deserved again. He did not value this woman enough when he had her and now, he could do that but only if she was still open to him and to the feelings they still could share.

"I'm sorry Trish. I made a mistake."

He wanted to say more but knew that words in that moment would only make things worse for them. He just wanted to tell her how much he regretted running again from her that day at the WWE office and doing the unthinkable.

"I know you are John. This isn't about us anymore. It's about you. I love you and when I walked out on you that day in the hotel, it wasn't easy for me. I didn't want to walk away but I knew that if I wanted you to get better then I had too."

_Was she saying what he thought she was saying?_

She felt his words as he thought them and it secretly warmed her heart that she still had this kind of connection with him. She also knew that she couldn't give in. For the first time in his life and in hers, they both needed this time apart to better themselves. John needed it to get well again and be the man he wanted to be deep inside and she needed the time to get over the damage that had been done to her heart.

She still loved him, there was no question about it but she did not love what he had become and the only way for him to get to where he needed to be, both with her in his life and in the career of his choice, he needed to do this and know that while she loved him, she could not and would not back down from her stance.

"I love you Trish and when this is all said and done I want to be the man you deserve."

Throwing caution to the wind, not caring anymore what the proper way of dealing with this was she ran into his waiting arms and she let herself be held, and held on herself for dear life. As much as she had wanted to stand back and be on the outside looking in, with her and John that just wasn't possible. They loved each other too damn much to push each other way for longer then they had.

"You already are John. All you need to be now is the man that you deserve to be to yourself."

* * *


	13. Open Book Policy

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

* * *

**Oh you were fast as lightning  
You had the golden touch**

Two days. Two very long days since he had entered the hollow halls of the rehabilitation center. To him, being away from his family, the children he had borne with Trish and being away from Trish herself made this feel like the longest race of his life.

She had forgiven him for the mistakes he had made, yet again. Time and time again when he messed up, she was there to break his fall. There really could be no other woman in this world like her, for she was one of a kind. She was the best. She was also still his. He had to do this for her, but more then that; he needed to do this for himself.

He was unlike the other occupants in the facility. He was an enigma all his own. He was not addicted to the alcohol as much as he was to the pain that caused him to drink the horrid stuff. Most of the people that he could attest too were here because they were addicted and needed to break themselves. For him he needed to figure out the past, and where he would fit in the future.

_Which means dealing with Sean._ He thought to himself, knowing that his younger brother and the death that had surrounded him had been the reason he had turned to drinking at all really. He was a happy drunk before, just busting out with his best friends but when the accident had happened, that had all changed. And not for the better.

But that would all be dealt with in due time. Right now he had to be somewhere. The first ever group session with him and his roommates. Well not roommates but people that haunted the same halls as he did.

He pushed his way into the common room area and watched as people played checkers and watched television. Absorbed mostly in their own inner pain and anguish then with him. He was thankful only for that in the moment. No one knew him here, and no one had once asked him for an autograph. He was just another man here and another man he would remain until the time came later to no longer be.

Taking a seat on the sofa, he silently watched the people around him, in their various stages of getting clean. There were the ones that had the shakes, ones that seemed to want to puke from the urge to have a drink or a new drug, and then there were the ones that looked calm, normal, not at all on the brink of any huge disaster.

Those were the people he sympathized with now. Because he was now in the same spot as them. On the outside he could handle anything, take anything on without a seconds glance but on the inside, his entire being had fallen apart and he was afraid if this rehab did not take now, he would never be put back together again.

A lyric hit him then, from an older rap song by an artist he had met on numerous occasions. Eminem said it best then and it rang true now.

_You've got one shot, one opportunity. Do you take it, or just let it slip?_

He indeed had one shot, one opportunity to do this life the way he wanted and the way that would make him proud of himself and the people around him. This was his shot to finally make it right. To put the past to bed and make a new life, a better life with the family he had back in Canada now. He wouldn't let it slip.

The doctor entered the room then and as she did, people from all over the room starting moving chairs into a circle like formation, something they all seemed used to but that was foreign to John now. He followed suit though and within five minutes they were all in a circle awaiting the next step.

"Well another week has gone by and it's time again to check in with everyone and see how you are all coping with the changes you are making in your life. But before we do that, I want to let all of you know that we have a new member in the group today. I was hoping that if he didn't mind he could tell us a little bit about himself, why he ended up here and then we can go from there." She placed a look directly on John and smiled lightly, pushing him with her mind to speak and to let these people know just what a man like him was doing here.

Not knowing the proper way of dealing with things, he stood from his chair and addressed the room as a whole, not for one second taking his eyes off any of the members of the group. He had known something of this nature was sure to come and now it was time to face it head on.

"My name is John Cena and up until about a year ago I was a professional wrestler within the WWE. But that is not what brings me here. Like the rest of you, I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it's something that stems from childhood. I just know now that there is no escape from it and I need to deal with it before it takes over my life again."

One of the members, a female, who was watching John steadily put her hand in the air. He motioned with his head and she began to speak. "So what happened to you in your childhood that made you this way now?"

He smiled slightly, letting her know as best he could that she didn't have to fear asking such a question. His life had hit rock bottom the night he slept with that woman in the bar a few short weeks ago and there was no going any deeper. He was going to admit it all and change the future.

"I was drinking with some friends at a party. I had dropped my brother, younger brother off earlier in the night at the arcade. I promised I would pick him up. What happened next was a blur for a very long time but I got into a very traumatic accident and I believed that I killed my current girlfriend and my brother that night. Something happened recently though that changed everything I believed. My brother came back from the dead."

As he said the last statement he received quite a few snickers from the peanut gallery, the doctor kept her voice low but she did tell them to stop and made a motion with her hands. John was thankful for it but understanding of why it sounded so funny.

"Apparently he did not die in the accident, thats what I meant. He is alive and well. What transpired after that has made me hit rock bottom and now I have to claw my way back to the top. One baby step at a time until i can finally deal with the demons that have been chasing me."

He sat then, having said all that he wanted to say in that moment. It was all the truth and he felt better for it. It was about time he admitted that this wasn't all about Sean anymore, but it was about him and his inability to deal with the anger and pain that his past had caused him.

The time for change was nigh though and as he looked around the room at the people that were telling their own like stories, he knew that within this group of people, he would find his salvation. He would find the one thing he needed to get back to where he had once been.

That one thing being his strength.

* * *


	14. You've Got A Friend

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

* * *

**You carried everyone to the top **

The meeting was over and as people started to put chairs back where they belonged and went back to their tasks as they were before John couldn't help but take it all in. He had learned a lot today sitting here in this meeting and watching people speak of the horrors they had gone through and come out on top from.

For that was what was happening here. All of them because they had gotten this far had indeed come out on top. Some would go back to the same existence they lead before the entered the rehabilitation center, but he was hopeful with the group he had met today, that they would not. These were a strong group of people and John was learning so much from them.

The doctor had been the most surprising. She was a busy woman, hosting four sessions like this one a day but yet she was still taking time out at the end of the meeting to talk with and answer questions with people that still lingered. Still wanted a shoulder to cry on. He had gone to a lot of doctors in his day but none that seemed quite like this woman.

The meeting had been productive, couldn't have gone better for him because he got to see just how similar his life was to these people. Ordinary people that didn't have jobs like he did and didn't have the kind of money he did. He was thankful that in this group, a lot of people that might know of him did not make a stage production out of it. They all remained calm and level and treated him like another one of them.

Which was just what he needed at a time like this. Sure he was famous in every sense of the word, having broken out into music; movies and wrestling on TV. But at the end of the day didn't he put his pants on the same way as everyone else? That was all he wanted and all that was afforded to him and that was fine. He was happy just to be here another day. Another day gone and another day closer to his goal.

He wondered what he would do with himself now that the meeting was over and he was back to having some alone time until the next round of tests and conversations. Shawn had given him a leather bound journal the day of entry here and had told him to use it and in the last two days he had tried but had not known what to write. He would surely try again but at that moment he didn't know if there were enough words to sum up what he felt inside.

He could rap out a tune like no one else. He could randomly come up with lyrics in his mind and just go with the flow but when he actually came to down to sitting down and thinking and putting on paper words that did not rhyme and have a time and space, well he was just at a loss. But he wanted to be better with it because he knew deep down that Shawn had faith in him and the ability to need this journal to get it all out.

Before he could get started at making his way out of the room and back to solitude he felt the tap on the right hand side of his shoulder blade. When he turned around he had been expecting to find the doctor. But what he found instead was the young girl that had asked the questions of him during the session.

Alicia was her name. At least thats what she called herself when her time had come to speak. She was a former user and abuser of crack cocaine and she had lost her son to the state when they had taken him away after she had almost burned their house down. She wasn't in jail only because a judge took one look at her and saw the same thing John saw now, the ability to change and be a better person.

The one thing that took him by surprise though was that she was only 18 years old. Barely a woman, not a child. But she sure had been through a life most adults would run from screaming.

"Hey Ali, something I can do for you?"

She started to tap her foot then and John immediately understood why. The girl was a nervous wreck to begin with, always worried about people and places and the situations around her. Add onto that the addiction and the withdrawal she was going through having been here a week before him, then it really made sense.

"I just wanted to say thank you for what you said in the meet. Not a lot of people are honest when they first come in here but you were and I am happy for that."

He had wanted to lie and just sort of sit around but he knew deep down that if he did that then he would never get better. It also felt nice hearing that someone respected him for the choices he was now making in going completely truthful. Maybe being here wasn't going to be so bad after all.

"Well thank you for listening to me and seeing that I was being sincere. I know it must not be easy. Famous people must come in here all the time and not admit they have issues. When in truth they have a lot more then any of us really know about."

She nodded and started pulling on her hair, twirling it around her fingers. He again knew this was something that was happening as a result of the drug withdrawal so he didn't give it a second thought.

"You don't make many friends in here thats for sure. A lot of people come here to get clean, but then there are the others that come in here to make connections on the outside and go back to the same life they lead. I don't want to do that. I want to be good and I want to get my kid back before its too late."

There it was, something that they had in common. While he had not snorted or shot his children away, he certainly had made a mess of things. He had cheated on the one woman that loved him through thick and thin; the woman who bore his children and as unforgivable as that was, he was glad that she had and that she loved him still.

He also knew that if you were like Alicia and you didn't have someone who loved you then changing was a hell of a lot harder then it would normally be. He wanted to give her that so when he spoke again, he spoke from the heart.

"At home I have two babies, twins actually who are barely a few months old. I want to be the father that they deserve, just the same way as you want to be the mother that your children deserve. I see in you that you want to change so when the time comes and we get sprung from here, I want you to get your life on track and call me. I want to help you get your child and your life back."

She didn't say a word but the look on her face spoke volumes as to what she was feeling. Deep down he knew that no one had ever done or said anything like this to her before. That not one person in the damn world believed this girl meant anything other then as a piece of garbage. Well it was time she knew that she wasn't and that someone, him, had faith in her.

The tear fell down her cheek and he wiped it away innocent;y. She was right though, there weren't a lot of people making friends in here. The difference now was, that he was going to do whatever it took to prove that statement wrong.

Because what Alicia was now starting to realize and that what John had known the minute she had started the conversation was that this young woman was about to get what she wanted all along and he was going to be the one to give it to her.

She was going to get a friend.

* * *


	15. Conjugal Visit

**Disclaimer:** Any reference to the WWE and it's superstars is used here purely for entertainment purposes only and any similarity to events real or otherwise is purely coincidence. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Music Disclaimer:** The song used in this story is Strong Enough by Rex Goudie. All rights are reserved to the artist and I own nothing. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** He has the woman of his dreams by his side and twin babies to keep him busy. Life seems that it can't get any better for John Cena, until he gets the call for a return from the WWE. Will he make a return to the top or will someone from his past come back just in time to turn his life upside down?

**Authors Note** As usual I want thank Trish Orton for the reviews, keep them coming and I promise I will keep writing for you! Expect to see more Trish fictions from me. I love writing this woman. To everyone else that has read this, I thank you.

* * *

**I guess you cracked under pressure  
It was a long hard way to fall**

_God I hope I look okay._ She thought to herself as she scanned the hallways looking for John. The director there had said she would personally go and get him as well as have them page him but he not yet shown up.

She was nervous and she knew it. Not for the babies and not for herself but for him. So much had not been said since the incident over a month ago. The wedding had been canceled by her and had never been put back on. She was here now because she loved him but in the end could she really overlook the betrayal he had caused her?

Before she had another moment to think about she saw him. The John she had fallen in love with what felt like so long ago was now coming towards her and he didn't look like the broken man she had left only two weeks before at the door.

He was healthier, stronger looking. He even wore a smile that spoke volumes to her heart. He hadn't smiled at her in that way for so long, what with being stressed out over the WWE wanting him back and his brother returning from the dead, but it was what she needed to see in that moment from him.

"God it's good to see you." he exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around her and brought her as close to him as he could. It had been a long hard two weeks for him and for her without him by her side and in the midst of the hug she could truly feel how much he cared for her.

"It's good to see you too." She motioned towards the hallway where his room was located and he immediately allowed her to go ahead of him. She wasn't in a race to get him alone but she did want to have some privacy away from the people in the clinic. She did not want to discuss anything between them with ears everywhere.

Call her crazy but she knew there were tabloid people everywhere and so far they were running under the radar in terms of news. The last thing they both needed when John was getting well was a photo spread and a leak of something that was or was not true.

They both entered the room then and John let the door click locked behind him before motioned silently for Trish to take a seat on the bed and he would follow behind her. Once she was comfortable and he had joined her, she put his hand through his.

So many emotions were running through her mind, so many things she wanted to do with this man. She wanted to kiss him but knowing where the kiss would lead and how not ready she was for that she didn't want to lead him on. But when he spoke to her, his voice calm, relaxed and focused she knew she had no reason to worry. It was like he had read her mind again.

"We don't need to do anything that you aren't comfortable with Trish. I know I caused this between us, the awkwardness and I am going to take whatever time is needed to get it back. We can just hold hands if thats what you want."

She nodded, not trusting her voice to speak. He did understand where she was coming from and was thankful for it.

"I wasn't sure if I should come this early in the program or not but I took a chance that it would be alright. Your doctor told me that you have made a few friends in here already and are doing very well. I hope you don't mind that I asked."

He rubbed her back with his free hand and brushed her hair away from her face. She had worn it down for a reason because she hadn't wanted him to be able to see just how hurt she still was but the minute her hair went back, all bets were off. He knew alright and it did not make him feel better.

"You as my wife, at least in my eyes so of course I don't mind. I tried calling you a few times but when I did all i got was the machine. I didn't want to leave a message."

"I took the babies to my mothers. I'm sorry John. I really haven't been home much since things broke down between us. It was too hard to go there and see you in the house we shared after what had happened."

She didn't want to say the words but he was going too. The only way to get better he was told was to admit things and not sugar coat them or block them. He needed to do that now.

"You mean when I had sex with another woman."

She shook her head and broke away from his hand, running her hands through her hair, obviously upset by how blunt it had come out.

"This was never about you Trish. What happened that night had nothing to do with the way I feel about you. It had to do with the reason I am in here right now. I have a problem with drinking and I knew it all a long and just didn't want to admit it."

"I know John, you don't have to convince me."

He put a finger to her lips making her stop talking before she said more then what had come out. "Thats not what I'm doing. I am telling you that what i did was unforgivable and I am sorry for it. I need to find ways to cope with pain in my life instead of running to the only thing that I can. Do you understand that? I made a horrid mistake with you and I know I may have lost you for good. Thats the worst punishment someone can have."

She smiled a tinge and John felt his heart flutter as the picture of it. He wanted to keep that small smile in his mind for the rest of time because he wasn't sure if he would ever get the chance to see it again.

"You mean that don't you John?"

"More then anything. Trish I'm not going to push myself on you and tell you that you need to come back to me. But I do want you think about this before you end things completely. I am going to get better and I am going to be a man you can love and respect and that my son and daughter can respect."

"John if we were over I wouldn't be here right now would I?" Trish asked, turning to face him a serious look on her features again.

"I suppose not."

"There is no suppose to it John. I love you, I believe I have always loved you and I will forever love you. People that love other people do not up and leave them when the going gets tough. Yes what you did was horrible and it has taken me a lot of time to really think about how i feel about it and what to do, but I have finally figured it out."

"So what have you figured?" John asked, waiting with baited breath for the heartbreak of losing this woman to set in.

"I figured out that I love you and when you get out of here I am taking you home to Toronto where you and I and our children will be a real family. No more get out of jail free cards. This is the real deal. I want you, the real you for keeps and forever. So john, I forgive you."

* * *


	16. Journal Entry

**You didn't even try to get back up  
You gotta get back up **

He came to see me today. I tried to pretend that it didn't affect me and that I was ready to face the demons of the past but I was a big fat liar. I didn't want him there; I wasn't ready but I was going to have to be for what was coming.

Sean Cena. The brother I had thought for years that I had been responsible for killing. If I hadn't driven drunk he would be here with me today. If I hadn't done what I did and gone to the party then he would still be with me. But the more I play the what if game the more I seem to lose every time.

Because I did go to that party and I did get wasted and stoned off my ass. I walked into fire and I didn't think I was fallible enough to get burned. But I did and now I sit, bruised and broken after a real meeting with the brother I assumed long dead and buried.

How do I go on from here? This point in my life I should be the happiest man, not the one most broken and open. I want to just free fall and do the things I would normally do after a traumatic meeting such as this one but the last few weeks have taught me a lot and I know that I cannot, for the sake of my family and the strongest love I have ever known do those things again.

He explained himself and why he had been long gone all of this time, not once thinking to let the brother who had perished inside know that he was alive. My mother was to blame for that and my father did nothing to stop her in her pursuit. The way Sean describes it, it was really like he had died for so long because he had been banished from the home just as I was.

Where did he live you wonder? How did I miss the fact that he was still alive?

Well that was easy. He was alive and well in Ohio with a distant great aunt until the day he turned 18. He liked living in Ohio so he stayed there and worked his tail off through college and through a handyman job until the urge to find me became too strong.

It also helped that when Sean called the WWE, having known for years that i was working under them; the head office just ate the whole thing up. Vince called him up immediately and viewed some tapes he had put together about wrestling and with me getting out of prison the way I did, Vince capitalized on my pain.

Am I mad about it? Yeah I'm damn mad because the first phone call Vince should have made was to me. And he didn't. So now as I sit in this darkened room, pen in hand I have to wonder whether or not I did the right thing for myself and my own sanity in agreeing to come back to the WWE at all.

I knew then that Trish needed me at home. Even the day I walked into that office and saw my younger brothers eyes staring back at me I knew this was the wrong move. The sense of foreboding I got in my house before we left was not from Randy and the accident that he had allowed me to take the blame for. It was because deep down inside I knew all hell was going to break loose and it did.

I ran and in doing so almost threw away the one thing that matters to me in this life that I lead. I almost threw away the chance to be a loving husband and a father and most of all I threw away the chance to be the man I was always meant to be before the accident happened all those years ago.

Shawn told me that writing is good for the soul when you are going through a dark time in your life. That he has depended on journals to make sure his faith is never wavering. I laughed it off at first because Shawn has the ability sometimes to be as eccentric as Jeff Hardy on a slow day. Surely what worked for him couldn't work for me?

But as I sit here, more and more words pouring out onto the page the way they are, I realize that all this time a part of me has been missing and this journal is bringing it back. I can voice here what life won't let me do on a daily basis and in turn, after finishing and reading it back, I can see where I've gone wrong and make a positive change.

The doctor says that now that I've had this time with my brother, the real catalyst for all the pain I have gone through over the years, that my recovery is going more on track then the others. Alicia is still by my side, talking and praying with me every day and sometimes I wonder if when she completes the program if she will be there waiting on the other side for me as well.

Shes been my strength in here along with Trish and in turn I have been the rock for the both of them as well. The man I am cannot be changed entirely, but it feels great to say that the one thing that needed work has now been worked on.

I'm getting sprung from here next week and I think I am going to be more then ready for it. The wedding is back on and I want to make sure I make this day better then all the others for the woman I love. I want to make sure that I see my babies and let them know that every moment is precious and you can never take life for granted.

I want to give them the world and I know with the tools I have now and the people I have behind me, Sean, Trish, the people here and Alicia, I can do it. Hell I can more then do it, I can eat; sleep ; and breathe it.

We mended or fences, the blood of the Cena brothers running supreme again. So much so that after burying the past where it belongs, I have asked my brother to stand up for me at my wedding. I know I had asked Shawn but when I told him earlier today the circumstances, he backed now.

Is everything perfect now? Not by a long shot. But at the end of the day as I plan on putting this book away, my thoughts and my heart on the pages, I know that I am one step closer. Not one step closer to the edge the way I have been since I was 16, but one step closer to the one thing I think after all this time I've wanted and needed.

Peace.

* * *


	17. Trish's Diary Entry

**If it's what you love it's worth fighting for  
Don't tell me it's too tough**

I forgave him and I have been working at putting the pieces of my life back together in the hopes that when John comes home; we can get back to normal. What is normal really though? Is it just an illusion that we all have for perfection that hasn't quite reached its peak?

I was here in this place one time in my life before now. It is no secret that Jeff Hardy and I were at one point very important to each other. Better yet we were in love. What a lot of people do not know though is that the situation I am in now and the one I was in then are more similar then they appear.

But how you must wonder right? Well the facts make it pretty easy to figure out. Jeff cheated on me and John cheated on me. Sure one was with another woman and the other was with prescription narcotics but they are the same thing because emotionally I felt led astray. It felt like someone put a dart through every dream I ever had both times. It's a hard reality to deal with and an even harder one to rectify.

I did forgive John but have I been able to forget? The answer to that question will always be a no. i will never forget seeing him with his arms wrapped around that other woman. I don't think any woman or man who has ever been cheated on can truly forget. The best they can do is get all the support and help they can to get past those visions and move on with their lives in a healthy way.

That is what I have done now. I signed up earlier in the month with a new doctor. Not a normal physician but a doctor who can tell me how to deal with what has happened to me and the toll it is going to take on my mind and my heart.

I think in order to get past all of this I need to do it. I need to do it for John because he really has paid the piper for what he has done. He has not seen his babies in weeks and he hasn't been home even longer then that. What was once a happy life has turned into something dirty and we both need to work at it so that it never happens again.

See for me, I take some of the blame even when I don't want too. I have gone through all of the what ifs and wondered if maybe I caused this some how. I realize now that the minute we met Sean Cena that day in the WWE office I should have been running outside to be with John. Not sitting around and getting answers. All of those answers could have come later. I stayed because I thought John needed it but in the end what he needed most was me.

I did not make him drink himself to the floor and take a random woman to a hotel room to fuck her. I did not put him in that place and deep inside I know that. But for once in my life I did manage to let him down when he needed me the most and while Sean may have been the catalyst for what happened, I did help it along by not running out with him.

Some have called me a doormat. Word has gotten around a bit since John got out of jail and the word is not pretty. There are fans out there that understand what we are going through and have sent lovely messages to me over the Internet but then there have been the ones that have called me a sucker and a doormat and i think deep down they might be right to a degree.

No woman or man for that matter deserves to be cheated on, no matter what they have done in their lives. There is always room for talking and for figuring everything out that way and ending things clean. What John did was wrong, but not entirely his fault. He has taken responsibility for his issues with drinking and why he actually does it and now I have to clean house and do the same.

For years I have been a doormat to the men I love and as the time goes on from now until the day I no longer inhabit the earth I know that I need to change that. I need to be the strong woman I was before I met Jeff Hardy and John Cena and I need to stick to it. From this moment on I will not let another man run over me the way these two men have.

I love John and I will spend the rest of my life loving him but as he now knows, I will not let it be one sided. If he really loves me then he needs to show me and he needs to cherish the woman that I am, doormat or not. I think everyone woman needs to do that but me more so then others.

When I first came back here from seeing him in rehab I remember holding most close to my heart the way he felt in my arms when we hugged. We didn't do any more then that because I felt that I needed to talk before we went any further but when you love someone it doesn't really matter what you do or not do together because it all means something.

The feel of his arms around me, helping me stay strong and stand was exhilarating and I wouldn't want to give it up for anything in this world. The first time we made love on the beach it felt this way as well and looking back on that time, which seems so long ago, we have been through hell and back and the feelings never died.

Without closing me eyes or shutting myself off I can feel him right now inside my bones. I don't mean i can sense every move he makes. What I mean is there is a feeling locked deep inside where I can just feel him and the thought of having him inside that way makes me feel okay. It makes me feel strong in what I am learning about myself and my abilities.

I realize now that I can do anything I want to do and I will be alright as long as I keep my wits about me and allow myself never to be walked around on again. I will never be that doormat Trish that I was when John cheated and Jeff cheated on me with the pills. I will be the Trish that doesn't take shit anymore and living her life the way she wants to because she can.

I am determined to get past this in any way that I can and I will not back down. Because I know that eventually there will come a day when the pain of today and days previous won't matter anymore and it will just be an event that we all went through and beat with flying colors again.

If you love something it is worth fighting heart and soul for and I may be a lot of things but the one thing I am not is a quitter. I will not back down and John and I, we will be okay. Because we have the one thing that is unattainable to most everyone.

We have love.


	18. Fate Drops the Ball

**You got your doubts  
Yeah I've been there before  
And I think you're strong enough**

**Yeah I think you're strong enough**

He walked through the doors of the rehab center, happier then he had been in months, even years. Demons of the past were now slowly making their way back where they belonged and he was going home with the woman he loved.

As he ran down the front steps and around the large expansive garden where he and Alicia had spent the better part of their days together, his heart welled at just how far he had come and what he had to look forward to when he finally got home.

The flight was booked and he was due at the airport three hours from now, accompanied by his girlfriend, soon to be his wife. Couldn't come soon enough if you asked him but it didn't matter because they had the rest of the world to live as husband and wife but only a few short weeks to enjoy still dating.

Sure they were parents but when did being parents mean that you couldn't still date? Just the thought of the woman who would be at the end of the garden waiting for him made him want to run faster. Not to mention the WWE had called and informed him that the flight home was bought and paid for by them. Part of an apology from Vince.

But a lot sure had changed in the time since he went to rehab. His brother, a few weeks after he had entered had been to visit him. A visit he had originally been dreading but had now come to terms with and was proud of. He had made it through the meeting without the urge to run and get drunk and that meant that his goal of getting over this addiction was going full steam ahead.

Things for Sean had apparently looked up in the past month as well because he was now on a full time schedule with the WWE and would be in his first title match, Intercontinental that night. John had wanted to be there to support the brother that for years hadn't even known the plan his parents had put in motion, like him but he knew that he needed his real family more now.

Sean understood and that was all that mattered to him in the long run. There would be a ton more events to go to before John made his way back to win the WWE title from whoever now held it. They would ride the road together and find what they had lost all those years ago. He was sure of it. He wanted it more then anything.

As he got to the gated area at the front of the center and looked out through the bars he was shocked not to see their car waiting for him. Trish had checked and double checked the time he was going to be released and she had sworn up and down that she would be here for him. But looking around again he reaffirmed that the car was indeed not there.

It hit him then that she hadn't been able to bring their car because they were in a different city. Living so long in the center had made him almost feel at home in his city. He scanned again and wondered why if she was here she wasn't getting out of her car.

Movement came out of the corner of his eye then and he saw someone that he recognized instantly. The same man that had taken him here, and told him to write down his feelings which he had been doing the entire time inside was now walking towards him, a slight smile on his features.

They shook hands as soon as Shawn got to him and then the faithful filled man pulled him into a hug. There was something serious going through his eyes, John could tell but he didn't want to get into it right after exiting the rehab center. If Shawn had something he needed to tell him then he would in his due time.

"You look good man. Better then the day I brought you here thats for sure." Shawn said, slapping him again on the back and motioning towards the car that was still running. "I need to get you right to the airport. You are needed at home."

John threw him a questioning look. Sure he wanted to be home and he was sure Trish wanted him there as well but just what did Shawn mean by he was needed home? And where was the woman he loved? Trish had promised she would be here.

"Is there something going on that I need to know Shawn? Why the hurry? I thought we might be able to grab a bite of something good, the food in there sucked."

Shawn's face grew grim then and John knew instantly that something was indeed wrong at home and that was the reason he was being so cryptic. Just what was going on was beyond him but there was no time like the present to find out. He prayed inwardly that nothing had happened to his family.

The minute Shawn started to speak though, all prayers were left unanswered and the knot in John's stomach grew tighter.

"It's Trish..."

"What about her? Shawn just tell me man, what is going on?"

John didn't mean to yell but at this point hearing the way Shawn's voice was cracking under the pressure he was frantic.

"She was driving home with the kids and she was side swiped by a drunk driver. She is in the intensive care unit at Toronto East General Hospital. We need to get you home quick so you can be with the kids."

John felt about ready to throw up. Just what the hell was happening to him? Was he ever going to have a day where something horribly wrong didn't happen? This time though, his strength was better then ever and he just dealt with it in stride. No more running.

Hopping in the car and watching as Shawn did the same on the passenger side he turned to face him. "Lets get the hell out of here. While you're driving you can tell me everything you know."

Shawn put the gear shift down into drive and they sped off from the parking lot at the fastest speed they could. Shawn informed him that he didn't know more then what her mother had said over the phone but that he had gotten him an earlier flight so he wouldn't miss being with the woman and the children he loved so much.

It struck John then that he hadn't found out just how the twins were doing. He looked at Shawn as he silently drove and spit the question out, desperately wanting to know the answer.

"Are the kids alright?"

"Yes John they are safely with their grandfather at Trish's mothers house. Trish took most of the impact in the crash."

As they rode along silently, John just prayed with all his might that he got there in time.


	19. Healing Prayer

"I'm afraid Shawn, what happens if she doesn't male it?" John said as both men paced the halls of the hospital, awaiting word on just what Trish's injuries were and if she was still fighting. John didn't want to believe that she would give up without at least seeing him one last time but the longer they seemed to wait the harder it seemed to remain optimistic.

**And even though the moment passed me by  
I still can't turn away  
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
Got tossed along the way  
And letters that you never meant to send  
Get lost or thrown away **

"John you know her, she's a fighter. You can't think anything different right now. She needs us to remain calm and rational. We will know something soon."

He wanted to sound strong for John but deep down Shawn wondered and debated the same thing. What happens if the accident was worse then what her mother had said? What if the impact of the car into her had been too much for even a strong woman like Trish to live through?

Shawn was a faithful man, a believer in all things higher and more powerful then him so he decided to finally stop the pacing and use the time to his advantage. Not caring who was looking at them and just what they might think, he immediately fell to the floor, knees cracking as he did and he put his hands into a prayer sequence.

Whenever something happened that was out of human control, he knew he could always turn to God and all things would be taken care of or revealed. If John hadn't become a believer while in the rehab that was fine but for him, Trish needed his prayers right now. She needed anything she could get. She had to know people were fighting for her to live.

John watched his friend hit the floor and instead of looking at him the way most people did on a daily basis in the locker room, he followed suit. If there was one thing John knew more then anything it was that faith had the ability to cure all that ailed you and he sure needed it about now. Not because he wanted a drink but because he wanted the woman he loved to be alright. He needed her to be alright because he wasn't prepared to live this life without her.

"Almighty and Eternal God, You are the everlasting health of those who believe in You.  
Hear us for Your sick servant Trish for whom we implore the aid of Your tender mercy,  
that being restored to bodily health, she may give thanks to You in Your Church. Through Christ our Lord. "

John had prayed before of course but never anything with such emotion and truth as what Shawn had just prayed for. He had said everything in a way that only a true believer could say it and John was grateful that at least someone was a believer.

He heard a door open then and immediate stood to his feet, turning in the direction of the sound. There was no way of knowing if this was the doctor that was working on his girlfriend or not but he really hoped it was because after that prayer there wasn't much more he could take of the waiting game.

**And now we're grown up orphans  
That never knew their names  
We don't belong to no one  
That's a shame  
But if you could hide beside me  
Maybe for a while  
And I won't tell no one your name **

And I won't tell em your name 

The doctor was getting closer and closer to both men, Shawn having now stood and dusted off his pants, waiting with baited breath as John himself was for the answers they sought.

"Which one of you is John Cena?" The doctor asked flippantly, focused on the task at hand and not the trivial nature of introducing himself. "The medical card said the family contact was a Mr. Cena."

John put his hand up and stepped forward to stand at least a foot taller the the doctor before him now. "That would be me."

"I am not going to lie to you Mr. Cena, your girlfriend has been through a very traumatic ordeal and we won't really know how well the surgery took until later. The next few hours are critical to her survival though. The accident did a number on a lot of internal organs which are badly in need of repair." He stopped for a moment before speaking again. "We did our best but she is no way out of the woods yet. At this point she isn't breathing on her own and is hooked up to a medical machine that allows to do it for her."

"Can I see her?" John asked, making sure to cut the man off before he planned on continuing. He understood everything the doctor said but he didn't want to stand around listening anymore when he could be in there with her.

"Yes you can see her, but only for a few minutes. We will be moving her upstairs for another battery of tests in a short while. Please be advised though that she does not look like the woman you knew before at the moment. She needs time to be that woman again."

Shawn interjected as John made his way to the room as quickly as his feet could carry him. As he watched his friend go he secretly hoped everything would turn out alright.

"Will she live through the night doctor?"

"I am afraid it's too early to tell but by the amount of blood that was lost and how long it took EMS to get here, I wouldn't place any bets on it."

The sickening feeling in Shawn's stomach hit then and he looked back towards the room that John had just entered. The news was grim and he knew why the doctor had now told John that they had to wait and see what would happen. He had tried to spare the ex champion from hearing the real truth. That while he was getting better his girlfriend was being taken from him, one breath at at time.

**Scars are souvenirs you never lose  
The past is never far  
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there  
Did you get to be a star  
And don't it make you sad to know that life  
Is more than who we are **

**You grew up way too fast  
And now there's nothing to believe  
And reruns all become our history  
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio  
And I won't tell no one your name  
And I won't tell em your name **

John watched the machine helping her breath as the up and down motion of her chest made small noises. Hadn't it seemed like not too long ago when she had been on the other side of that bed and they had been fighting for John to be alright? She had been his rock then so why was this happening to her now?

The goodness that she exuded could not be found anywhere else and he just wanted her to wake up now and tell him that the game was over and she had gotten him back with this scare, for all of the horrible things he had done to their life together. To their family. But that wasn't going to happen because she would never play a joke this cruel. But he sure was paying the price for his sins now.

"Trish please, if you can hear me you can't give up now. Not when I finally got my life together enough to be the man you deserve to me. I need you in my life and I won't settle for anything less then the whole shebang."

No response came from her lips, and he knew that there wouldn't be. But he had come back once from the pain and he was hoping his words would do the same for her. He needed that right now because he was in danger of falling and not being able to come back.

_Stay strong and believe._

The words were felt through his entire body but for the life of him he didn't know where they had come from. He looked around the room hoping to find a mystery person there to give advice but when there was no one visible he again wondered where the voice had come from.

It had been clear, it had been concise and to the point. It had told him what he needed to do and he was going to listen to it for the first time in his life. He had to listen to it because in the end he knew that if he did then everything would be alright.

_Have I done this to her God? Am I the reason she is in this bed instead of at home with our children?_

He didn't expect to hear an answer but was astonished when the words came again, from the same voice as before.

**You did nothing to her my son. Whatever has happened has happened for a reason and it will soon reveal itself.**

The message was clear again this time if not a little more cryptic then the first. He knew that a lot of this had to do with his belief system and the fact that he really didn't have much of one in place before all of the horror that had entered his life in recent years. He knew that if he wanted to rectify this he needed to believe, not only in a higher power but in the love that him and Trish shared. He also needed to look past the pain and really do the one thing he had never been able to do before.

He had to believe in himself.

He took her hand into his and he kissed it, all the while looking at the lifeless state of her closed eyelids and listening to the mechanical beeping that surrounded him. He needed to achieve all of these things and then and only then would the higher plan be revealed to him. He had to do the one thing he never thought he would outside of a ring again.

John Cena had to fight.

**I think about you all the time  
But I don't need the same  
It's lonely where you are come back down  
And I won't tell em your name **


	20. Blindsided

**So take another shot  
Try it all again **

She had been in surgery for about an hour when the emergency room doors opened and two police officers entered and headed directly for them. Shawn noticed them first and slapped John on the arm, pointing in the direction of the approaching officers and getting ready for the worst.

Surely they were about to find out who had caused the accident, how it had happened and just they planned on doing about it now. All while Trish remained in another surgery where they tried to keep her alive.

He remembered being ushered out of the room only an hour earlier after the machines went manic. There had been a code blue declared and it looked like Trish was dying on him. He was pushed out while they worked on her and it was only when the doctor came to him a few minutes later and explained that she had another case of extreme internal bleeding that John was able to truly realize just how serious all of this was.

He had called her family and let them know that things were fine but very grave and to keep holding out for a miracle. John knew at this point that might be the only thing that would help them. It was more serious then he had assumed when he had first looked at her but he knew it now for sure and he wasn't going to fold down and die. He was going to fight when she couldn't fight for herself.

Trish's mother had said the kids were fine and they had gone to the house and gathered more frozen breast milk and other items so that they would not be without anything and John was thankful that they had her family in their lives. It was moments like these where life was such a precious thing that you realized just how much you loved the people you had in it.

As thankful as he was that his twins had made it through the accident no worse for wear, probably thanks to the car seats Trish had harped on him to install properly all those months ago, he couldn't help feel like in reality if they lost their mother they wouldn't be all that well off. He wouldn't that was for sure. He had to keep believing that they would fix everything and she would eventually come out of whatever place she was in and be with them again.

It was the only thing that kept him going.

He turned his attention away from the thoughts of the night and back to the police officers that were now standing before them. They introduced themselves to both men and they all had a round and hand shakes and then they got down to the real business of why they were there.

The first officer spoke then and let the two wrestlers know just how the accident had occurred.

"The victim was driving correctly through the intersection--

John had to interrupt. Trish might be just another fatality to this man but to him she was way more and he wanted her treated as such. "You mean Trish."

The officer continued again, this time accepting what John had said. "Trish was driving, her light having just changed to green and she was in the right of way as she was going through an intersection. From what we can ascertain at this point the driver of the other car who we have in custody as we speak hadn't heeded his light and run it slamming right into the passenger side door and crunching is so far in that it did internal damage to the victim, I mean Trish."

Shawn nodded his head at the explanation but had a few questions of his own that needed answering. "Was the driver drunk?"

"No sir, he was not over or under the legal limit. He was clean and sober."

John laughed but it was more of a nervous laugh then one of finding something funny. "So it was just a complete moron behind the wheel! Do you guys give out licenses in Cracker Jack boxes these days or what?"

He knew he didn't mean so sound so angry but judging from what he had just heard he had every right to be and the officers seemed to be in agreement with it because when the younger of the two men spoke again, he directly answered John.

"Apparently at the Ministry of Transportation we must because this was completely uncalled for."

John appreciated the mans honesty. At the very least he wasn't looking to be sugar coated anymore then he had been all of this time. If there was anything rehab had taught him; it was that you needed to look at the cold reality of things and not pussy foot around it hoping not to hurt someone's feelings.

Shawn spoke again. "So what happens to the man you have in custody now?"

"He will go before a judge first thing in the morning and from there I assume the bail will be pretty high so he won't see the light of day for a very long time. If anything the road is now a safer place for the other drivers."

John grunted and threw his hands up in the air. What good was the road for the other drivers when the woman he intended on marrying next month was lying in a cold room fighting for her life? He didn't give a shit about any of the other drivers. All that mattered now was Trish and making sure that whoever did this payed for it.

As he walked away from the men, choosing instead in that moment to let Shawn deal with the rest of what the Police had to say, his phone started to vibrate. Because he didn't want the hospital to know that he had it on him and he wasn't going to answer it inside, he went through the doors of the emergency until he was safely outside where he answered it.

"Hello?"

"John, thank God!"

He knew the voice, it was one from his past, one that he thought he would never be able to forget once upon a time. It was the voice of his old girlfriend, Michelle McCool. Just what she was calling him about was beyond him but he was at the very least thankful for the distraction.

"What's up Michelle?"

"John I hate to be the one to tell you this but I knew you wouldn't find out any other way because you are not in the WWE anymore. John something terrible has happened to Randy."

He wanted to push the end call button right there. Randy Orton had been the reason John had spent all of that time in prison to begin with and now he was getting a call about the man? His life just couldn't seem to get any worse. For as much as he wanted to hang up then though, he couldn't.

"What happened Michelle. Calm down and tell me whats going on!"

"John...Randy was attacked late last night by a bunch of gang member inmates. I just heard word from the prison hospital."

"Okay. Is he going to be alright? What have they told you?"

"He's dead John! Randy died. Someone killed him in there and no one tried to help him. He's gone."


	21. Processing

**Authors Note:** This is going to be a first person chapter, from John this time. Following that will be a chapter only dedicated to Trish but written in the third person. I just want to warn you ahead of time that the next two chapters will not be the norm. There might also be a size difference with the next two chapters. This one may be shorter and the next one may run a little long. I am not positive but if there is, you have been warned. I plan on writing all of this and ending it tonight.

* * *

**Somehow find a way  
To get back to where you've been **

I wasn't sure I had heard her right. Randy Orton, my best friend since we had run the road together as mid card superstars was now dead? I wanted to hate him but I knew what he had most likely been through behind bars and knew that having gone through it, all I felt was sadness.

With Trish lying in the cold and barely lit surgical wing, being taken care of I was already overflowing with sadness but this only made it worse. I was forced now as Michelle rattled off a bunch of information about his funeral and when it would be; to really sit down and evaluate the friendship that until recently had been rock solid.

I entered that locker room as a rookie, Randy was already there and establishing himself as a pretty strong voice within the company. He had the speech, the look and the ability that the WWE at the time wanted. I was shy from the get go but I also knew I had the strength to see this through.

Wrestling wasn't in my blood the way that it was in Randy's but we had the same heart for it and it was what made us such good friends back then. We bonded over long ass car trips to the next show; bone tired or wasted from staying up all night drinking and talking about our youth. We were still young but looking back, our youths were pretty damn wild and it did not show any signs of slowing down.

Some said back then that Randy was on an ego trip. That he was using his father and grandfather to make himself known within the business and to make himself seem larger then life. But I was with the man through that entire time and I can tell you that was the furthest thing from his mind. He was soft spoken, had a heart of gold and seemed to have the speed and strength to rise above the painful media accounts of him.

Was he pushed a little too hard into the spotlight that he wasn't quite ready for? Sure some can say that about him because of his actions in recent years but then again I had been down the same roads as him it's just mine didn't make front page dirt sheets.

I loved the man like a brother, I respected him as one of the best young guns of wrestling and I really knew that both of us would one day end up facing each other. As it turns out we did in some dark matches but until this time we have never really had a go at each other. At least not one on one when it really counted.

I can't believe Michelle. I can't let what she said settle inside my mind. Inside of my heart. Sure the man sent me to prison without helping out at all to admit that he was the one behind it. He explained it though and while I do not understand it, I have gotten past it.

We may no longer be as close as we were in those days but aside from Shawn and Trips, there is no one that can say that they remained as close as they were when they started. I always thought Randy and I would mirror those other two men but the night I walked in on him banging Michelle, i knew whatever hope of that happening had passed.

Closing my eyes then, and letting the wind hit my face as I stood outside; the cellphone still attached to my hand, I said a silent prayer for my long ago friend. For the Randy I knew and the Randy I wished that I would get to see again. One day I was sure that I would but for now i had to settle with the fact that he was gone from me and he didn't have anyone to blame for it but himself.

About to head in, I looked up and inside of the hospital doors and saw the doctor talking animatedly to Shawn. Knowing that it had something to do with my love, with Trish I ran as quickly as I could back in through the doors.

Putting on the brakes as soon as I got to them I saw the grave look on Shawn's otherwise calm features and knew that what i was about to find out was not good. As if Shawn sensed that I already knew and was expecting the worst, he put his arm on mine. I welcomed the feeling only because after hearing about Randy I now suddenly felt more alone then ever. Shawn being the friend that he was, was helping me more then he knew.

"Don't tell me Shawn! Do not tell me that she's dead."

He looked at me and I could tell instantly that what he had to tell me wasn't as bad as I originally thought but that it wasn't good either. Before Shawn could say anything though, the doctor started to speak, letting me know just what Shawn hadn't gotten a chance to tell me.

"Her vitals dipped quite a bit throughout the surgery to repair the artery that was torn. We have repaired it but the blood loss was so severe that it put her into a coma. She is alive but at this very moment she is holding on by a thread."

The Doctor's words were cold and unfeeling and while I knew that he had to remain that way as not to get attached to the patients he was in charge of saving, I knew that inside I wanted to hit him for not caring enough to sound less frigid about it. I wanted, no I demanded more of him if he was going to be caring for Trish. She wasn't just any other woman like he assumed. She was his and he couldn't bear to have her talked about this.

"So what you're telling me is that she isn't expected to live through the night?"

The doctor just shook his head and looked me deep in the eyes. He was deathly serious now and I paid attention to every word. "She needs to be monitored but she does not have a death sentence. When I told you she is hanging on by a thread I meant that she needs more monitoring to make sure she doesn't have any more trauma. Not that she was going to die."

I really wanted to run from here now. First Randy and now Trish. Was it really possible that I might have to lose both of them in the same amount of time? What was the use of trying so hard to change and get better if the two reasons I had for living were going to be taken from me.

_You still have two very valid reasons to keep you here my son. Do not give up. Put your faith in me._

I looked around, expecting the words to have come from Shawn as he was the more spiritual of the both of us but when I noticed that he was standing further away from me, I knew I had been visited again by a higher power.

It put my focus back where it belonged and without another thought or comment, I motioned for the doctor to take me to her. I needed to see her and I needed to give her a reason to fight. I was not going to leave the hospital again until I did. The twins mother would be coming home with me, even if I had to give my own life to make it happen.


	22. Angelic Choices

**Authors Notes:** Second Last Chapter Alert. There will be one more after this and then the series will come to an end. Like I said in a previous authors note, I may bring this back at a later date for one more story but as of right now I am going to end it before it gets old. I also want to tell you that this chapter is other worldly so please expand your mind. If you have read my Love United Series then you know what I am talking about. Thank you all so much for the support and the reviews and I hope to see you around for future stories.

* * *

**I want that fighter that I knew  
That fire in your eyes**

_She had no idea where she was but it was the picture of perfection. The sun was shining and the wind was sweeping through like a tidal wave on a hot summers day. She knew where she was standing but how she had gotten there she had no idea. _

_All around her everything looked the same. Her house was as she remembered it but without as much brightness. The tree she had planted when she had moved in years ago was now full grown and beautiful. Sprouting apples by the looks of it. Funny how she didn't remember it being a apple tree. Must just be something she hadn't thought about before she bought and planted the seeds. _

_As the wind whistled past her she heard the faint sound and wondered aloud who was on her property with her. She remembered that John was due to get out of rehab soon and she had to be there to pick him up and bring him back to their family but other then him there would be no one else to show up on this wonderful day. _

_As she turned to find the voice that was calling her name in a low whisper she saw the most glorious sight before her. Dressed in what looked like long white satin robes was a person that could only be described as angelic. Though there were no wings, no other person on this Earth made her feel this at peace; or looked this well together ever. _

"_Trish; please do not be frightened."_

**Easy for you to say.**_ She wanted to speak but didn't. Why she didn't was a mystery because she had opened her mouth to say it but the words had just not come out the way she had planned them too. _

"_Who are you and what are you doing here with me now?"_

_The angelic figure before her moved closer and she did the only thing she could think to do in a situation such as this and she backed up closer to her house. She was backed up as far as the door now but as she fumbled with her key she realized that it was no longer her house she was staring at but the side of the road on a country highway leading out of town. _

**Just what the hell is going on here? Am I dreaming?** _She thought again but before she could find the answers herself the voice from before spoke to her again._

"_You are not dreaming. In fact right now you are not even living."_

_She wanted to laugh. Surely this person was more of a crackup then she was. She knew something was going on but to outright say that someone wasn't living when they so obviously were was wrong wasn't it? _

"_Look inside of the car there and tell me what you see." The voice, which was now registering as male said to her. She thought about it for a moment but finally did what he asked of her. When she looked into the car she saw what the Angel had been talking about. Not all of it made sense but she got the feeling she was more screwed up then she had originally thought. _

"_What am I doing in that car? Why are my children screaming the way that they are? Who are you and what the hell is going on here?" She questioned, turning around and throwing her fist into the chest of the angelic person and watching as they went right through him. _

"_I am exactly as you depicted. I am your Guardian Angel and I have been brought here to help you find your way back to your life. What you are looking at is the accident that happened over twenty four hours ago. The accident that has landed you in the hospital with a prayer vigil by your bedside."_

_This couldn't be right could it? Could that really be me lying in that car on deaths door while my children are crying and confused and alone in the back seat?_

"_You may not believe it but it surely is the truth."_

"_My children, my children are they alright?" she managed to choke out as she watched the scene before her change again, this time to the very hospital that she was lying cold and alone and lost in. _

"_They are fine but as you can see there is one man here that isn't. You are giving it your all and trying to fight the changes that are happening within your body but you are not winning. You need to make a choice."_

_She had no idea what the Angel was talking about but right now the only choice she wanted to make was to take the tears out of John's eyes. He was resting his head upon her very chest in the darkened hospital room and it was almost too painful to watch. _

"_He fought for you Trish and if you love him, you need to fight for him as well."_

**Just what the hell was that supposed to mean?**_ She thought inwardly again, her words again escaping her throat. _

"_John has come to a realization because of your accident and all of the mistakes he has made and in that he has become closer to the creator. His love for you has taught him how to really fight again and he is winning his inner fight because of that love. So what you need to decide now is if you are willing to put down and do the same for him."_

_As the voice spoke she realized she could no longer see the man's face. The voice was starting to sound familiar but it was not one that she heard on a regular basis. Just who was this angel and why was she being forced to make the choice between life and death? Wasn't that predetermined by the higher power?_

"_It is but for this one incident it is being over ridden by love."_

_She had heard enough. "Who the hell are you? If you really are an angel as you say then why don't you show me yourself?"_

_The man before her slid off the golden white robes he was wearing and as he did, she realized instantly the reason why she hadn't recognized the voice. It was because it was someone she had hoped never to see again. Seeing him now though, in this state was enough to help her make up her mind about her decision._

"_Randy, I don't know how the hell you are here and you are an angel but send me back now. I want to live."_


	23. Eternal Love  The Ending

**Authors Note:** In an effort to get used to writing in the first person I wanted to take a stab at making the final chapter from John's perspective again. I do not normally do this with my stories because its confusing but at this point, it being the end of an era and all, I think I can safely do it and not get too much flack for it. So enjoy the end as much as I am going to enjoy writing it and I will see you in the next story I have yet to update LOL. Much love everyone and most of all thank you :)

* * *

**You've got a second chance  
Don't give up and let it die**

She looked like a peaceful angel now, the way she slept. In all of the times that we had been together I had only seen her look this way once and I wanted to take a picture in case I didn't have the chance to ever see it again. Serene was a better word for what I was watching. Children, if you have ever been given the chance to watch them sleep like this a lot of the time, or at least my kids had when they had come home and it was truly a vision to see.

The door to the room opened then and I spun around expecting to see more nurses and doctors to come in to poke and prod her some more. In the last hour I had been in here they must have come in a total of six times. I knew they were doing it to make sure she lived through the night, hell lived another day but at the same time I had so much I wanted to say to her that I wanted to be alone.

I had always wondered what it would be like to sit at someones bedside, and have it be their final moments. I had never once wondered it about my own life, or of those close to me but now being faced with one friend dead and the love of my life at her near end, i had to think about it again.

There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to convey to her to make her realize that I treasured every damn moment I had with her but I didn't trust my own voice to find the words.

Shawn stood silently beside me then, I had known he was there, I just hadn't let my mind acknowledge it until now. He wasn't saying a word but in that moment I wanted to do the talking anyway.

"Do you ever wonder where a person in a coma goes Shawn? I mean do they remain brain dead or is there more?"

I did not expect an answer so when he chose to answer me it really did take me off guard. It must be the faith he had in life and what happened after that made the words easy to come.

"I believe she is in a better place at the moment then anything this earthly one could give her John. I really do believe that. I think where she is right now where she needs to be."

"What if I do not want her there? Am I wrong for wanting her back with me and the twins? Am I being too selfish?"

Shawn just chose to shake his head at me and I went back to watching the woman still lying unmoving in the bed in front of me. There was so much that still had to be done between us and I really had no idea where to begin. When she woke up, and she would, would she remember me and the life we shared before all of the hard ship took place? Would she still want to be me wife?

"Talk to her John, let her know you are here and you have not left her side. Say the things your heart has been meaning to say since the day she stepped into your life at Hunters house ages ago. Put the past out there and then let it go. Just let your heart feel."

Shawn patted me on the shoulder and silently let himself out of the room again, following the rules of the floor and not having more then one visitor at a time. I knew what he said was right, because it had been where my heart and mind were at before he entered the room. While the words might not come out right, I knew I had to do what Shawn told me before I lost the chance completely.

I couldn't have Trish turn out like Randy. There was just no way.

"I have so much to be happy for in this life now, and yet so much I still regret. I have lived the life that most people only dream of. I have won a championship and ridden the planes and trains and blown a hell of a lot of money on nothing that truly mattered. I fell in love with a woman who did not love me back and then in the midst of my inner pain I almost raped another one."

He broke then, allowing himself the chance for air but also the chance to get his heart and mind together on the same page. He wanted to make sure he said everything before the end drew near.

"The woman say my inner pain and tried to change me, to make me see the real person that was hidden beneath the pain. I just wouldn't allow myself get close for fear of falling into the same traps as before. This woman changed me though, she taught me how to love and to respect and a whole host of other things I had pushed away for so long. I made a horrendous mistake getting drunk and sleeping with a woman who looked like her but wasn't her. But she took me back and she gave me the strength to change. Along the way she also gave me two children and in the end she gave me what I needed so much in my life. She gave me peace."

"I need you Trish, because you are that woman. Somewhere along the way I used and abused you in a lot of ways but faced with the idea of losing you and losing the only thing that matters to me in this life, your love, I knew I had to change and I did. So I sit here now and I know wherever you are you can hear me. I need you to come back to me, come back to us and what we were; what we will be and then some."

I sucked in the air through my throat, thankful for the pleasure of being able to do it and watched as the machine that helped her breathe, rose and fell with each beating second of my own heart. I said what I needed to say and now the time had come to wait and pray with everything in me that she would come back to me, to us and we could finally be together in the right way. The way we had both desperately wanted all along but had failed to achieve.

I cried then as I held her hand, but I didn't care. Anyone could come into the room now and I just didn't care anymore. Everything that meant anything was wrapped up in this room right now and I had to do whatever it took to come to terms with it, no matter what way it went.

"Trish I need you. I need you when I'm sick and when I'm healthy, I need you through the happy times like the birth of our twins and I need you through the bad. I need you to see me for the flawed man I am and I need you to see the good points in me. I just need you and want you. I want you as much as I did that day on the beach and every day after it."

I heard the beep then and realized that one of her machines was going manic. I pushed the call button and waited on baited breath as a flood of nurses and doctors came flying through the doors and began to work on her.

It was then, as they were trying to push me away from her, my hand not moving off of hers for a second that her eyes flew open and I thought I saw the world through them. I had no idea what was happening but as her eyes opened she tried to push the mask of her face. The nurse helped her remove it, breathing on her own and when she spoke the next set of words, my heart finally found its resting place. Safe in the arms of her love.

"You have me..."

* * *

**Six Months Later**

"Patricia Stratigias, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Trish looked up and smiled at me and I couldn't help but feel my heart swell at the sight of it.

"I do."

"John Cena, do you take Trish to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Well this was really a no brainer considering all we had been through but I did the right thing anyway and said the words that the entire church had wanted to hear. "I do."

"Then I now have the pleasure of pronouncing you husband and wife. John you may now kiss your bride."

Again; another no brainer. I had been wanting to kiss her this way since she had walked down the aisle earlier towards me, and now here was the final payoff. The final treat in a long line of tricks.

I kissed her then, and I would continue to kiss her for years and many children to come. The one thought I had on that day after the kiss was over and we made our way out of the church was if Randy knew that his mistake all those months and years ago had finally given me the best treasure in the world. Eternal love.

I hope that wherever Randy ended up, he was finally, just as much as I now was.

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End file.
